Visit Santa Monica/FacebookApparently, the citizens of Santa Monica are very stressed out.
Forget the beautiful beaches, the endless gorgeous sunsets or the fact that it's currently 84 degrees outside—there simply seems to be no amount of vitamin D that can quell your average SanMo resident's anxiety.
So as a result, the L.A. suburb has received a massive grant, beating out 300 other U.S. cities to secure the Bloomberg Philanthropies Mayors Challenge Award, which will supply the city with a whopping $1 million to help the picturesque place figure out why its citizens are so friggin' stressed out.
According to a survey by real estate blog Movoto, Santa Monica was ranked No. 2 on its list of America's most stressed-out suburbs due to its high cost of living, population density, homelessness and percentage of income spent on rent.
Not convinced that living in the beachfront city isn't a bit unnerving? Here are six reason why residing in Santa Monica is just so damn stressful.
1. You Decide to Move to Santa Monica—Yay! Beach! Sunsets! Bliss! You imagine that your home will look a little something like this.
Unfortunately, you quickly come to the realization that NeNe Leakes' catchphrase "I'm very rich, bitch" does not apply to you in Santa Monica (according to Zillow, the median price for a home in SanMo is $1,139,000). So that ocean view? Oh yeah, it comes with a roommate who never does the dishes. And that five block walk to the beach? Well, that also includes a rundown apartment for which you are paying approximately $1,400 per month (and yes, that's more than half your paycheck). So forget about dining at that high-end restaurant down the street—you've got luxury living to pay for! Welcome to SoCal, folks.
2. You Decide to Amp Up Your Fitness Routine, Only to Be Shunned by Every Workout Buff/Skinny Bitch: Everyone who lives in Santa Monica wants to be in shape. It's a thing, due to the fact that it's bikini season all year round. But if you've ever seen those ridiculous Equinox ads, then you've pretty much taken an inside peek at the Santa Monica fitness scene, which is chock-full of girls in tiny Lululemon crop tops and matching booty shorts in addition to beefed-up men who are lifting weights for just a tad too long. Suddenly your efforts on the treadmill seem useless and you realize those six-pack abs aren't going to happen overnight.
So it's off to Yogurtland (luckily, frozen yogurt is also a thing in Santa Monica) where you can drown your sorrows (and stress!) in a tasty treat.
3. You Want to Go to the Mall on a Saturday: It's nice outside. There's an outdoor mall in Santa Monica. You have a few errands to run. Well, you thought wrong. Because Third Street Promenade (aka the Santa Monica mall) is always a s--tshow on Saturday. Always. It may as well be Disneyland on a nice summer day. Avoid at all costs or learn how to deal with tourists, and plan on setting aside approximately three hours for that "quick" 20 minute Nordstrom run. Which brings us to...
4. Traffic Is the Worst: I once parked my car and walked 20 blocks to the pier because I couldn't find parking any closer. True story. And while I know this is hardly my biggest problem in life, it is a nuisance to deal with. I often find myself using Uber solely for parking purposes, and I will shamefully admit I have skipped the beach more than a time or two just to avoid the traffic (my apartment is less than five miles away, but that five miles can turn into 30 minutes faster than you can imagine). Of course, no one likes traffic, but watching the same light turn red and green three different times before you get through the block can be simply unbearable, particularly, when it's your precious weekend time.
5. The Beach Is Always Crowded: Unless you can walk outside your home and feel the sand between your toes (congrats, you have it made), then we must admit, the beach can be a real bitch sometimes. It's noisy, it takes forever to get there (see point No. 4), it's jam-packed and it's filled with Frisbees that may suddenly fly at your face at any moment. Hoping for a tranquil place to listen to the ocean, relax and read your favorite book? Well, you may want to turn to your backyard (oh, wait you live in an apartment shack so you don't have one).
6. Not Everyone Is Nice: You would think that the folks who live in a city by the Pacific Ocean would have a slightly kinder demeanor. Well, you're wrong (remember, we're "stressed out"). Case in point: Yesterday, a woman driving into the parking lot at the grocery store continued to incessantly honk her horn, at which point my roommate politely said, "Miss, could you please stop honking?" Her reply to my thin and extremely fit roommate? "Could you stop being so fat?"
Still want to live in Santa Monica?
(Of course you do. Westside is the best side. And the sunsets are unbelievable #blessed).