The Best and Worst Super Bowl Party Food, Ranked

Give us all the wings and dips, but keep that veggie platter away from us

Almost time for the big game! We're talking of course about The Kitten Bowl! It's going to be fluffy, grand old time!

And then on Sunday two teams full of large men are going to play for a trophy. People have parties. And they usually have food at these parties. And since we love to make snacks feel bad about themselves, we ranked the best and worst appetizers (or whatever you want to call them) at your standard, American Super Bowl party:

17. Salads

Leafy greens that are packed with vitamins and nutrients?! Get that s--t outta here.

16. Veggie tray

So this is basically a deconstructed salad. The usual appearance of ranch dressing makes this slightly better than salad because sometimes people put healthy dressings on salads and that's a risk we don't like to take.

15. Fruit platters

Ugh. More stuff that won't clog our arteries. But we do love a good chocolate-covered strawberry so it's better than veggies for sure.

14. Bowl of nuts

Meh. We're usually just picking out the cashews and peanuts.

13. Trail mix

Only slightly better than a bowl of nuts because at least this will most likely have M&Ms in it.

12. Candy

It really depends on the type of candy. If it's stuff like Reese's, Snickers and the like, that's more than acceptable. If it's candy like the one pictured above, then you are a 79-year-old woman. And if you are a 79-year-old woman throwing a Super Bowl party, that's pretty boss.

11. Chips

Nothing beats a classic potato chip…except all the things ranked above this one.

10. Cheese ball

It's not the actual cheese we're mad at, because how can someone be mad at something so delicious? It's all that crap that's usually covering the cheese ball that we have to work through to get to the goodness that irks us.

9. Deviled eggs

Remember to take a page from Ron Swanson's playbook and ask the host this question regarding the delicious treat: "If I wanted to bring a large number of deviled eggs, but I didn't want to share them with anyone else, can you guarantee fridge space?"

8. Pigs in a blanket

This snack makes us think of cute little pigs all adorably bundled up in blankets. And then we eat them.

7. Homemade Chex mix

We might be biased because our mom always made this for big parties, but homemade Chex mix (in both the sweet and savory variety), is our favorite thing to eat out of a bowl.

6. Sliders

Slide directly down to our tummies, you delicious mini burgers!

5. Potato skins

This is basically just a vehicle to bring cheese, bacon and sour cream directly into our mouths. That's what dreams are made of.

4. Chips and salsa/guacamole

A classic combination that never goes out of style. Hold up, Taylor Swift trademarked that saying, didn't she? Correction. This is a classic combination that always stays in style. There we go! Nailed it.

3. Dips

Queso dip. Spinach and artichoke dip. Sour cream and onion dip. It doesn't matter what kind of dip it is...if we can scoop it up with a chip and it's full of dairy, we're so down.

2. Bacon-wrapped anything

If you're serving bacon-wrapped bacon, expect us at your party. We don't care if we're strangers or you didn't invite us. Give us bacon!

1. Chicken wings

The ultimate sports-watching food. The humble chicken wing is so versatile and so scrumptious. If you don't like eating chicken wings while watching a football game, we're pretty sure you can have your United States citizenship revoked.