The Amazon Reviews for the Controversial Dress Are So Hilarious You'll Forget All About the Nasty Color Debate

"This dress is a glitch in the matrix," one reviewer said about the piece of clothing that tore the Internet apart

By Jenna Mullins Feb 27, 2015 11:49 PMTags
Social Media Moments of the Decade - 2015, The Dress, Blue And Black, White And GoldTumblr

Look, this brouhaha over that stupid dress will be a fecal smear on our civilization's history. We should all just accept that. The Internet lost its damn mind and for one day there was literally nothing more important than eyeballs and brains trying to decide if the dress was blue and black or white and gold.

The dress is…a representation of everything we love and loathe about the Internet.

But if you want to forget about the fever dream that was the big dress debate of 2015, just check out these Amazon reviews for the dress and laugh yourself unconscious. Only then will you find peace:

"Robbed a bank in this dress. Nobody could agree on a proper description of me. Sketch artist's head exploded. Got away. Fantastic."—Angela

"The good: Works equally well as formal or business casual attire. The bad: Carves a crooked path through perceptual reality and leaves behind it a wake of confusion and existential crises. Also unforgiving on the hips."—daniel wallace

"This dress is a glitch in the matrix."—Collin Phillips

"A dress you can be both married (white+gold) and buried (black+blue) in. Highly recommended."—Jenny M.

"This dress is a horcrux."—Leah Zink

"This dress made me realize that reality is a meaningless fiction and all of life is merely a grand cosmic suggestion. I returned it and got something cuter."—naju

"A sign that the second coming is upon us."—Mark

"I ordered two of these dresses, but when they showed up at my house, one was black and blue and the other was white and gold."—Andrew

"One dress to fool them all, one dress to blind them. One dress to sting them all, and in their discord, blind them."—Carl Peter Estenik

"Bought this dress for my wife and now my life will never be the same. I have come to realize that I am living in a paradoxical state and can not seem to exit the matrix."—Lowera18

"I could swear this thing has sleeves. I can see them. But when I put it on, my arms are cold."—Susan

"This dress made me question my life. it was white. it was blue. it was white. blUe. whITe. BlUe. WhITe. BLuE. WHITE. BLUE. WHITE. BLUE. WHAT'S HAPPENED TO MY LIFE?!"—GAMESTER

"Didn't know Satan The Devil was into designing dresses...PS: It's White and Gold. I have Kim Kardashian and Julian Moore on my side. #TheDress."—Nathan Krupp

"I bought this dress for my wife thinking, from the picture, that it was white and gold. But when we opened the box, the dress was white and gold!! Now my wife cries all the time."—Hamlet Whined

This dress reminds us of the bleak reality that life holds no permanence. Like this dress, we mere humans are ever-changing and have no real stability. Meaningless! Meaningless! Everything is meaningless! On the bright side, the colors are really pretty."—AR: Amazon Reviewer

"Didn't fit my duckrabbit."—Turniphead

Now go forth and spend your weekend pretending that this dress never existed in the first place.