LifetimeWill Ferrell and Kristen Wiig killed it in A Deadly Adoption, a super cheesy, super dramatic and totally amazing Lifetime movie that premiered on Saturday.
Spoiler alert!
In the anticipated film, which may or may not have been inspired by a true story and was so hyped up that it received billboards in prominent parts of Los Angeles, the two played a married couple whose marriage suffers after Wiig's character nearly drowns, killing their unborn, second child.
The two, parents to a Type 1 diabetic little girl Sully (Alyvia Alyn Lind), attempt to adopt a baby. And who should show up one day but the lovely Bridgette (90210 alum Jessica Lowndes), a gorgeous woman who says she's six months pregnant and is aching to have lots of kids one day, just not now.
They really want to adopt her baby (Sarah gives her the once-over, like "Yep, perfect hair, perfect teeth, perfect face, Mommy likes"), so naturally, the two sweeten the deal by extending an offer to have her stay with them. Oh, and she's really sweet and there's no way she's secretly a total psychopath. That never happens in Lifetime movies. This is going to work out great!
The movie was written by Andrew Steele, who created the comedic miniseries The Spoils of Babylon and used the be the head writer on SNL, where Ferrell and Wiig began their onscreen acting careers.
The movie has a lot of important lessons (and generalizations) you can learn. Here are five of them:
1. Fake pregnant bellies are made really well these days
Oh, you thought Bridgette was really pregnant! Silly! That's a fake, padded belly, and everyone totally bought it. Except, one day, little Sully catches her in the act. Bridgette then manipulates her into keeping her little secret between the two of them. Sweet-talk and threats. She'll be Mommy of the Year one day!
2. Finance book authors are the new, super sexy rock stars
So Ferrell's character, Robert, writes finance books for a living and went on a lot of book tours when he was suffering from depression following the death of his unborn child, which he pseudo-blamed on his wife. And in the world of A Deadly Adoption, finance book authors get all the groupies, or, as seen in a flashback, at least one super hot one...
3. Many beautiful women are actually con artists
...wait, is that girl...is that...BRIDGET? Yep, that's right. A purple-haired Bridgette, or should we say, JONI, had a passionate, wild night with Robert, got pregnant, lost the baby, saw him years later on TV and became obsessed with him. She comes up with an evil plan is to pretend to be pregnant and get closer to him. Genius. Oh, and she has a boyfriend, a mean-looking dude named Dwayne (Jake Weary), who's definitely not the brains behind the operation.
4. Many people know diddly squat about Type 1 diabetes
As part of her well thought-out hastily thrown together plan, Bridgette-Joni kidnaps Sully. Except, oops! She forgot her insulin. No insulin --> no way to regulate her blood sugar due to her non-functional pancreas --> big trouble. Dwayne comes up with a treatment plan: Give the little girl candy bars.
"You know the dangers of diabetic ketoacidosis!" Ferrell's character snaps at his wife in one scene, referring to the ill effects suffered by diabetics as a result of soaring blood glucose levels.
5. After the killing, there should be dancing
Bridgette-Joni goes crazy and gets trigger-happy with her boyfriend and with the unfortunate couple. There are a few close calls and acts of heroism. You can guess how it all ends.
Yep, with dancing!