Ask the Answer B!tch

Would any other celebrity death cause as big a ruckus as this two-week public mourning of Michael Jackson?
—Outstanding

Interesting question to mull. At first you might think of a Bruce Springsteen or Madonna or whatnot. Or even a Barack Obama, who certainly is credited with, you know, making hope spring anew, and all this.

But then again, maybe not. Lots of people are record-ripping hitmakers or worldwide hope generators, but I doubt we'd see the same collective hair tearing over Mariah Carey or Nelson Mandela.

Why? Let's face it. One of the reasons people are dissolving into such sanctimonious hysterics over M.J.'s death is...

...the image of loneliness and vulnerability he had in life.

"Madonna's image is more hardass," explains Leo Braudy, author of The Frenzy of Renown: Fame and Its History. "But Jackson's was all about vulnerability, more like Marilyn Monroe—fans wanting to take care of a person seen more as a victim, someone you would ferociously defend. When someone like that dies, fans feel like they've failed."

And then they react accordingly—with an outpouring of love and adoration that isn't necessarily proportional to achievement.

Don't believe me? Look at Princess Diana. Judy Garland. People who induced a collective public guilt because we, as fans, somehow didn't do more to protect them from all that sad.

If Braudy is right, that eliminates Obama, who, if anything, can handle himself. And Springsteen, being a champion of the working man and whatnot, doesn't quite embody helplessness.

So who's left then?

Lindsay Lohan? The child star/stage mom factor might cause people to see her as more of a victim than a diva. But her public antics also may make her too unsympathetic for a huge public outpouring.

Britney Spears? She has been seen as a vulnerable figure at certain points in her career, but she's also shown a desire to defend herself in public. That may prevent her from the kind of Judy Garland-like victim-star perception that would merit a Michael Jackson-style reaction.

Miley Cyrus? She rarely offends anyone, and media attacks on her have been met with vigorous defenses by loyal fans. She lacks the inherent sadness of an M.J., but she certainly has millions of fans, across multiple generations, who would mourn her loss.

Oprah Winfrey? Sure, she's seen as a self-made billionaire, a strong capable friend, not vulnerable at all. But she's simply too much a part of America's daily life to not cause a complete meltdown on the day of her passing.

Who else? I have no idea. But you do.

So tell me: What other celebs would inspire a Jackson-like mournquake all over the world?

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