The Awful Truth

Steve Graniz/Getty Images; AP Photo/Peter Kramer

Dear Ted:
You know, I just needed to send you a note because I'm tired of you getting lambasted for your tribute to Natasha Richardson. I thought it was beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. The idiots complaining about it really didn't need to read it if all they were going to was bitch. I love your column and think you were very sincere and heartfelt in your tribute.
—Allison

Dear Sweets:
Thanks, Allison, I appreciate it, but I'm cool. Natasha would have liked it—that's all that really matters. 

Dear Ted:
You take journalism to a sad, pathetic level. Your articles regarding Natasha Richardson are disgusting and pathetic! Is it possible for you to go back to school and find a major in tact or is it that you just love to sink low and kick people when they are already down with your useless nonsense you call writing? And by the way—you can't write either which [sic] why you only get paid to write this nonsense! Be a real man and act decent [sic]! Show some respect! 

Dear Miz in a Tizz:
I sleep fine at night—doesn't sound like you do, though.

Dear Ted:
The first thing I thought of was the sad irony that Liam Neeson played a character in Love Actually who is suffering the recent death of his beautiful wife. Now he must play that in his own life. Am I right?
—JMA

Dear Blurred Reality:
It was a beautiful movie; my best to Liam and his family at such a tough time right now. 

Dear Ted:
My condolences on the death of Ms. Richardson. For what this is worth, it made me think. I remember how wonderful she was on The Parent Trap. I also feel that Ms. Richardson's warm, loving presence was probably the closest thing to a real mother that Lindsay Lohan ever experienced in her short, sad life so far. I'm sure that Ms. Lohan has heard what happened. And my hope is that she finally realizes how short and precious life really is, and gets on with the business of living. Again, my condolences for the loss of your friend and for her family.
—Jeff Nelson

Dear Wake-Up Call:
And hopefully Linds and many out there will recognize life's gift from Tash's memory.

Dear Ted:
Why so many posts about Kristen Stewart—a girl no one heard of a week ago and only tweenie Twilight fans care about? You've posted five or six stories on her in two days. I don't even read them but I'm curious, are you being paid by the movie's producers? Hell, at least it's not non-news about Speidi.
—Akneuer

Dear Over The Hills:
Never paid for, dear. Just like to throw my defense to a gal being eaten alive by some Twi-twits around here. 

Dear Ted:
I sent you a longish email earlier this week asking about Britney Spears and her family. Hopefully you will just ignore it. After this Natasha Richardson thing, I no longer care about any of the Spears family. Out of respect for a classy lady and a talented actor, can we have a least a week's moratorium on Britney, the Lohans and anyone from The Hills?
—Patricia

Dear Respectfully Denied:
If it was up to me, you better believe it.

Dear Ted:
Did you ever have a Blind Vice about Gillian Anderson now or in the past? I'm just curious. Love your work, by the way.
—Adnice

Dear X-Rated Truth:
No, but great idea! Will do one soon! 

Dear Ted:
You asked, "Is there a time limit on publicly frying beloved artists for heinous acts?" Apparently so. Roman Polanski drugged and raped a child and they gave him an Oscar. Wonder if any of those who gave him a standing ovation would still be fawning over him as a genius if their child had been his victim?
—Meskree

Dear Time Will Tell:
Touché.  

Dear Ted:
I'm originally from Georgia but live in Dallas, Texas, now. Recently I told my fiancé who Toothy Tile is "rumored" to be. And he wasn't shocked at all. Do you think Toothy would finally come out if he found out the general public already knew his "secret"?
—Skyler

Dear Do Tell:
What rumors? 

Dear Ted:
What's the deal with all the Twilight cast members wearing the same freaking shoes? Those black sneakers with the white swoosh. I love 'em, but c'mon, a little originality, please.
—Katey

Dear Paid For:
I'm sure they're getting tons of dough for people like you to realize that. 

Dear Ted:
You're the King of Cutting Through B.S., so I've got to know—has Nicole Richie really turned over a new leaf? I've been highly skeptical of her "turnaround" ever since her first convenient—I mean, surprise—pregnancy. Am I too cynical for my own good? Thanks for your time, love!
—Katie

Dear Richie's Reformatory:
It was touch-and-go there for a while. But she has…at least for the next nine months. 

Dear Ted:
I'm new to your blog, and I'm loving it! I especially like the Blind Vices. Can you tell me if Angelina Jolie has ever been the subject of one of them? I'd love to think she's not as "saintly" as everyone believes.
—LB

Dear Sweet Doofus:
Uh, does Lindsay not eat enough? 

Dear Ted:
Can we get an update on George 'n' Laura Bush in Texas? Long ago you mentioned that they were ready for splitsville. Is G.B. drinking full-time now?
—2 scoops

Dear Flaming Bush:
Now?

Dear Ted:
Love the column—you always help me get through my glum workday! Anyway, have you ever had a liaison with anyone notable? (Aside from your gorgeous hubby, of course!)
—Swiss Miss

Dear Famous Tryst:
Yes, but at least I can count them on one hand. I'm not that big of a slut.

Dear Ted:
Please give us a clue about Kristen and Rob Pattinson. Do you think there might be a relationship on the way? Anything you have on them, you must share.
—Live

Dear Leanne Syndrome:
I don't see anything permanent between the two, dear. Rest easy.

Dear Ted:
"All Blind monikers are exclusive to their smutty selves. No repeats." Really? So for the record, Vamperella Vein-Pop is NOT Fake à la Ferocity? Lurve ya!
—T

Dear Double Checker:
Yep, diff dames altogether. Lurve ya right back! 

Dear Ted:
I actually agree that you're spot on for once. Kristen Stewart totally "bagged" Robert Pattinson in Tokyo...maybe even before that. When's she going to come clean about it? Cheating on her longtime boyfriend and all...tsk, tsk. Are you just talking out your ass here or do you actually know something more about these two? You've got to spill soon if you do! No more teasing...
—Kasey

Dear Robsten:
Tease is a word I'm not familiar with? 

Dear Ted:
Your Nevis Devine is possibly the infamous Dwayne Johnson. It seems to fit. What do you think?
—Pearl

Dear Foul Smell:
I think you're in the wrong age group, dear. But right...eagerness. 

Dear Ted:
Afternoon, love. Always love you at your snarky, bitchy best, but you pulled out the class card with your touching tribute to Tasha. Wasn't familiar with her myself, but it hurts my heart with what her family is going thru, especially her sons.
—Nikki from Ahia

Dear Heartfelt Hon:
You and me both, darling.