The Awful Truth

Michael Tran/Getty Images; Kevin Mazur/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
What do you think of Katherine Heigl's comments about her wanting to stay on Grey's Anatomy? Her comments sound like they are coming a bit too late.
—Anne, Minn.

Dear Knocked Down:
Looks like Kathy's finally realizing Reese isn't going anywhere when it comes to big-screen romantic comedies, and Judd Apatow's prolly not returning her calls. Grey's is all she's got.

Dear Ted:
I read on Megan Fox's MySpace today that Robert Pattinson is in a relationship with a close friend of hers. I haven't read anything...what's your thoughts?
—Amie

Dear Pattinson's Paramour:
You'll be reading all about Pattinson's conquests soon enough.

Dear Ted:
I'm a fan of Ashley Greene and Jackson Rathbone, and after reading your last Blind Vice I was wondering if you were talking about them. Are they a couple? Please give me a straight answer on this one. 
—luisshi99

Dear Talkin' Twilight:
Not a couple. Close tho, babe!

Dear Ted: 
Love your style, Ted! I pay very close attention to your blolumn, and I think I have most of your Vices figured out. I have a little confusion on Nevis Devine. Does his first name start with a T, and do we spend our Friday nights watching him on the boob tube? 
—Kendra, Kalamazoo

Dear Way Off:
Jeez, even luissh, above is closer, and she wasn't even asking about the dude!

Dear Ted:
I think that Rob is never gonna date a celebrity. I think he may have crushes on them like Kristen and Natalie Portman, but for real he seems to be a guy that would enjoy been with a more "normal" girl.
—natz_0291

Dear Rob Romance:
Some celebs, believe it or not, are pretty normal.

Dear Ted:
Ted, you are f--ked up jerk. Your lies are not working. Lay off from Lindsay and Samantha! Pathetic failure of journalism. 
—r.khocharyan

Dear Singled Out:
If you want someone to blame, blame LiLo for providing all our material.

Dear Ted:
I was just wondering who's in charge of Jennifer Aniston's career? I read your article about her movie choices and all, but I just cannot understand how the people surrounding her can let her do what she's doing. It's one stupid thing after another. At least Nicole Kidman, or her people at least, were smart about everything and got her an Oscar! Also, judging from your answer in the Bitch-Back, since when did you become a Brangeloonie? "Dear Getting the Kinks Out: I will not, I repeat not, be happy when that sad ending prevails, as I said it would. And it will." Thanks!
—Sweet Sticky Rice Ball

Dear Switch-Hitter:
Hell, Aniston's "people" could even take a cue from Kate Hudson's at this point! I think they've gone too far in this "wholesome" image for the babe trying to pimp her out as the anti-Angie. And please, that comment hardly makes me a Brangeloonie! I mean what will I have to bitch about when they split? Besides Mormons?

Dear Ted: 
Look, I love Michelle Obama as much as the next black woman. OK, maybe more. Point is, who do I call to stop the fashion train wreck that is happening on her European tour? Do you have a direct line to someone? Or maybe you could do an In the Closet section. Yes, another one. And also, why is no one talking about the queen's hand on Michelle's ass? Brit-kink from the highest office, I call it. Sienna ain't got nothing on that queen.

Dear British Sense of Humor:
I actually don't think M.O. is doing as poorly, dress wise, as many are bitchin' about. It's not fair to compare her against a former m-o-d-e-l like Carla Bruni. I'll take our first girl any day. Can't blame the queen for wanting a piece of that!

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