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D.A. Disses Jayde Nicole-Joe Francis Death-Defying Scuffle

Joe Francis, Jayde Nicole Chelsea Lauren/Getty Images; Jason Merritt/Getty Images

This is a case of he said, they said and the district attorney said, "Whatever."

Joe Francis claims Brody Jenner's girlfriend, Jayde Nicole, attacked him outside L.A. nightclub Guys & Dolls early in the morning on Aug. 28.

Nicole, however, claims the Girls Gone Wild guru came after her, and she's since filed a $1 million lawsuit against him. Francis in turn countersued last week, claiming he thought Playboy model was going to "kill" him.

They don't have any major injuries to speak of, so it's a good thing they have those civil suits to help them figure out what happened that night. Prosecutors are wiping their hands of the drama.

"The interests of justice do not support the filing of criminal charges against any of the three suspects," states the Los Angeles County District Attorney's charge evaluation worksheet.

Of course, the authorities don't completely give up on pointing fingers at the instigator of all the hair-pulling drama.

After looking at a video recording from the club, the D.A. determined that Jayde appeared "to have acted without immediate provocation in her assault upon Francis," the report says.

Of course, by "assault," in this case, they mean she poured her drink on him.

In his countersuit, Francis claims Nicole hit him in the head, threw the drink at him and said, "I'm going to kill you!"

He says he then pulled Nicole's hair in self defense, attempting to stop her from reaching for a full bottle of alcohol with which to attack him. She then lost her balance and fell and he went running. Jennfer follwed Francis and, "in a jealous rage, attacked Francis" until a security guard with a taser stepped in.

Of course, Francis told E! News shortly after the incident that he "may have accidentally grabbed [Jayde]'s hair."

All of this might never have been an issue if someone had watched a little more TV. Gossip Girl and Glee could teach 'em a thing or two about how to handle a spilled beverage.

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Star-stdded events don't always get this messy. Just check out the Hollywood Party Pics gallery and see for yourself.

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