The Awful Truth

Did Justin Timberlake know his SNL spoof was destined for, uh, greatness? J.T.'s cohorts dish on doing "Dick in a Box" with the studster...plus, Isla Fisher talks funnymen, and we tackle your laffin' letters! At the Hot Rod premiere, stars Isla Fisher and Andy Samberg were talkin' stunts. But really, we were more interested in Andy's recent Emmy nod for his Saturday Night Live short “Dick in a Box,” with Justin Timberlake. Turns out the director of Hot Rod, Akiva Schaffer, was also the director of that particular skit. We asked Akiva if he knew the privates-spoofing spoof would be such a success when they were filming it.

"Actually, we didn't. We were all like, 'Is this gonna work?' " he dished. "Justin was the only one who was sure of it. He was confident. He kept sayin', 'Man, this is gonna be a hit!' But he can afford to be cocky." (No pun intended, I'm sure.)

Hot Rod costar Jorma Taccone (who also helped write “Dick”) echoed similar sentiments. "Justin was pretty confident when we were shooting it," he said. Hmmm...as in cocky, to quote Schaffer? After all, J.T. has sounded pretty full of himself in recent interviews.

"No, no, not cocky," Jorma quickly answered. "Just confident. And I think he's justified in that, like the title of his first solo album. He got out there and did his album and is supersuccessful, and he deserves it."

Now, if they redid “Dick” today, we're willing to bet Justin would need a much bigger box.

Dear Ted:
What do you think Britney Spears is on? Her behavior seems totally bizarre!  
  Erica
  Chicago

Dear Kooky Cocktail:
Sugar ’n’ spice, this gal is not. Ms. Es must be snackin’ on somethin’ funny. But whatever it is, keep it away from me!

Dear Ted:
I love your column even more because I've finally nailed a Blind Vice. Princess Gold-Zinger is Cameron Diaz and Harkness Hose must be John Cusack (although, even I admit he doesn't seem to be her type—a little pasty-looking, if you ask me). Did you make it so easy because it's common knowledge in Hollywood?
  Quick Student
  Cadiz, Ohio

Dear Zinged-Out:
Sorry to burst your Blindin’ bubble, but you’re wrong on both counts, hon. Cams-doll isn’t Princess G-Z, nor is J.C. Harkness from One Slut Fits All Blind Vice. Think, uh, less glam, more pedestrian.

Dear Ted:
On the Toothy Tile Special-Edition Blind Vice, did Toothy get divorced in the past couple of years from a blonde?
  Lulu
  Austin, Texas

Dear Marital Miss:
Uh, no. He’s not that much in the closet. 

Dear Ted:
After someone guessed Isaiah Washington as Toothy Tile, I'm wondering if T.T. could be African-American, and could he be Shemar Moore? He was recently photographed nekkid at what some people were saying was a gay beach.
  E.J.
  Houston

 

Dear Moore Men:
Good guess, but S.M. is not our infamous bum-lovin’ boy Tooth. Think not quite as ballsy as the 'icious S.

Dear Ted:
They should change the title of LiLo's new movie to I Know Who Killed My Career...Me!
  Laura
  Frisco, Texas

Dear Sassy Lass:
L2’s possible stint in the slammer, P.Hil style, might just give her an extra bit of behind-the-bars buzz that could even help. But then again, prolly not.

Dear Ted:
A lightbulb went off in my head this weekend! Is it possible that Toothy Tile is a woman? Like Queen Latifah, maybe?
  Sue
  Chicago    

  Dear Toothy Titillation:
Interesting Toothy take, but the mucho man-hungry dude has more than just a love for men—he is one.

     

Dear Ted:
Ted, Angelina never said that line about what happened in the limo. It was BBT who claimed it. Why aren't you calling him a slut?
  Margo
  New Haven, Connecticut

      

Dear Equality:
I have! Many times, doll-puss!

 

Dear Ted:
I just finished watching Victoria Beckham: Coming to America and was stunned. Since you are one of the few entertainment writers who will speak frankly, I must ask you...are many celebrities as simpleminded (uneducated to the point of being truly stupid), vapid and shallow as I found Victoria to be?
  Dian
  Roseville, California

Dear Brainy Babe:
Since she’s got Becks‘ rock-hard butt to slap some (kinky) sense into her, sweet-poo, have to say the broad ain’t dumb, by any means.

Dear Ted:     
You fabulous bitch! Is Toothy Tile Kenny Chesney?
  Nicole
  Swedesboro, Dirty Jersey

  Dear Time to Re-Tile:
You’re off, miss. I did once say that Toothy could hold his own, but I didn’t mean in a singing competition. 

Dear Ted:     
Why doesn't Britney Spears just toss the hair extensions and own that crop? We all know she shaved it all off. People might respect her more if she just worked it. And that "I was preparing for a movie role" excuse for umbrella battery? Please, didn't Winona Ryder use that same one for her shoplifting fiasco years ago?
  Kim
  Jackson, Michigan

Dear Honest Hon:
You think people tell the truth in Hollywood? You must believe Lindsay Lohan wants to be a serious actress, too.

     

Dear Ted:
Positively, Princess Gold-Zinger is none other than the gorgeous Jen Aniston.
  Elfrey
  Reykjavik, Netherworld

Dear Ain't Aniston:
Close but no gavel.

Dear Ted:
Give The Starter Wife a break. They deserve to have those nominations. I had doubts of watching the miniseries myself, but I found out that it's not only funny, it's way cunning.
  Annei

Dear Forgot:
It’s also a laff-riot with Debra Messing washing out to sea like some sort of lovelorn mermaid who just got dumped by her b-f at a Shutters swag suite. Sorry, we’ll have to agree to disagree on this one, babe.

Dear Ted:
"Rehab is a press release," luv it! Any other shows to see you on?
  Pam
  Chicago

     

Dear Small Screen Sweety:
Yep, that was a fun turn on Chelsea Lately...stay tuned for more TV to-dos, doll!

Dear Ted:
Is Princess Gold-Zinger Anne Heche?
  K.D.
  Everett, Washington     

 

Dear Faux Gold:
No.

Dear Ted:
Have you noticed the resemblance between Suri and Tom Cruise's cousin, William Mapother (Ethan on Lost)?
  Betty
  St. Louis, Missouri

Dear Strange Spawn:
Oh, please, I’m not even buyin’ that one.

Dear Ted:
Now that we know Lindsay had coke on her, can you tell us which Blind Vice was her?
  Sandy
  University Place, Washington

Dear Nice Try:
Gosh, why not tell you who Toothy Tile is, already?