The Awful Truth

The Affleck boys win big at the Hollywood Awards and get razzed by Brad Pitt, while Tom Cruise watchers seriously wonder if the diminutive dude will win back his fan base with his upcoming cinematic undertakings. Plus, Tobey Maguire’s got the winning touch, and Tinseltown’s tiniest twins actually masticate!
Whose career is burning faster than the state of California? Read on. But first, stopped by the Hollywood Film Festival Awards last night at the Bev Hilton. Brad Pitt was utterly doable, yet quite pale. Angie’s kiddie bitch appeared almost as ghostly as award recipient Casey Affleck did after Pitt demi-dissed the younger Affleck from the podium. Could that be why C was hanging onto elder sibling Ben when we were gabbing with them both at the after-party? Prolly. Indeed, be on the lookout for the newest nondate in H-town. (Are you online, Reese?)

I mean, it’s clear, really. Affleck hates this meet-‘n’-greet crap more than he does his J.Lo days. Therefore, Jennifer Garner was nowhere; thus, it was bring-a-bro escort night! And those two were not only havin’ fun by the pool, we’re tellin’ ya, things seemed awfully Juliette Lewis funky party time, so strange. Anyway, was all good, as fellow award-nabber Ben refused to take any credit for his surprisingly deft directorial turn in Gone Baby Gone.

“It just came to me, really, it was the book, not me,”  deflected B.A., tall, gorgeous and hair almost as mysterious as John Travolta’s coif job (more on that Thursday). Oh, this Red Sox addict is so gunning for another Oscar, but whatev. He told us more directing, less acting, was in the cards, and we think this is a fine idea. Leave that to the little one, Casey-babe.

Oh! We gotta say, just saw Kevin Connolly for sushi in the Valley the other night, these two dudes—Casey and the Kevster—certainly power-pack their primo acting stuff into tiny frames. Almost freakishly so.

Anyway, C.A. simply couldn’t stop pulling Ben’s sleeve, so anxious he was to slobber along with the rest of us over the newly re-svelted Catherine Zeta-Jones, who even had the gayer members of the Awful Truth team panting a bit. But more on that, as well as other bra-and-undies bits, tomorrow.

“Trust me, it’ll be the costume for Halloween 2008." —Bigwig loose-lipper closely involved in the making of Tom Cruise’s upcoming Nazi flick, Valkyrie, on the actor’s much gabbed about, much maligned Gestapo-era uniform

This is what they’re talking about on the production that’s been slowed down by protests, thefts and general backstabbing galore? (Don’t forget, Valkyrie footage filmed in front of a Third Reich landmark not so mysteriously disappeared and had to be reshot.)

Hmmm, does not bode well for T.C. Add to this the superinside scuttlebutt on Cruise’s latest pic—the early gab that Lions for Lambs is hugely “talky-talky-talky” (direct from early viewers; we here at Awful have not seen yet) and that life for Katie Holmes’ hon, post his 14-year stint at Paramount, does not look exactly scintillating. And the mind-effing relationship job Men, coming next, doesn’t look to spice things up too much for our boy, either.

“Not exactly the game plan I would have chosen,” bitched an executive close to Cruise during his highly visible, thorny departure from Paramount. “For a guy like Cruise, this roster is a little serious. Throw in something his old fans can relate to!"

We know! If Tommy C really wants to mine the suffering-role genre, why not chose an area that’s indeed causing dudes a lotta pain these days—Texas Hold ‘Em! I mean, did ya see that pussy pic Eric Bana did with Drew Barrymore (dressed as Dolores Del Rio) called Lucky You? Laughable. So very few tidy endings such as the ones played out in Lucky exist in the gambling circuit, trust. For ince, look at the hundreds upon hundreds of thousands of dollars Ben Affleck lost in the casinos. But thank heavens, no? See, personally, we think that’s the bottom that drove B.A. to come to his genius pinnacle so evident in Gone, not his lampooned glam life with La Lopez, as most people foolishly think. Brad Garrett and Hank Azaria, though, are more successful. But Garrett and Azaria are nuthin’ compared to Hold ‘Em king Tobey Maguire. He plays mostly privately, outta the televised cash games other stars flock to. And he usually takes the pot. How much?

“Many millions,” said a player who has gone up against Spidey. “Because that’s what he plays with—and he always wins.”

“Greatly exaggerated,” replied a très connected Maguire mover 'n' shaker. T.M. does gamble behind the scenes, our snoop source confirmed, but for “nothing like” the amounts revealed to us. Oh, really? “Yeah,” added the loose-lipper, who also said Tobey’s too busy working on his new flick, Brothers, with Jake Gyllenhaal, to play. Poker, that is. Regardless, Tom, you and Tobey are about the same stature, wanna give All Out: The Tobey Maguire Story, a try? You’d be deliciously dangerous but victorious; you could save your whole M:I franchise! How ‘bout it? Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, strutting stiletto supreme at the Jenni Kayne store opening on Melrose, City of Fallen Mega-Franchises. It was a tale of two Olsens at the dinner party afterward. “Ashley was drinking lots of red wine, and her teeth and lips were all stained,” sniffs Desk Grape. “But Mary-Kate didn’t drink.” What a relief! How many rehabbed babes can this town take, already? Also, one partier reports M.K. was “much nicer” than Ash. Let’s hear it for sober socializing! (Doubt this trend will take.) Surprisingly enough, both tiny twins actually ate the delish grub being served from Ammo. Rachel Zoe was also there, and she munched and drank nada. Hostesses love having the noneaters, didn’t you know? Fewer dishes to wash. Celebrating with more curvy revelry on another coast was... Frances McDormand, at the wrap party for Burn After Reading. The bash was held at Sapa in Manhattan on Saturday night. Frances danced to the '70s music playing along with the writers, but missing in action were her munchlicious costars Brad Pitt and George Clooney. Now, we all know Brad’s in Hell-Ay with Angelina while she films The Changeling, but where, oh where, was Georgie-poo? Prolly out riding his hog with the new g-friend, recently fixed bod parts be damned. Another hot babe burning off whatever in the same city was... Adriana Lima, ogling scantily clad babes instead of being ogled, for a change. The Victoria’s Secret vixen hit the This Is Burlesque show at Corio in the Big Apple on Friday night. The self-proclaimed virgin hit the racy show after she wrapped a shoot of her own that day, so I’m sure she was feeling about as sexy as studio stud... David Geffen, standing next to a silver Porche parked on Crescent Drive, at the Beverly Hills Hotel. This nasty DreamWorks-Paramount biz hasn't exactly been kind to the former Cher-toy. Plus, D.G's Maine-esque turtleneck job did little to keep him from looking like a bald Barbara Bush. Props for not using the hotel’s valet, Davey, very cool for a billionaire!