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Dear Ted:
Any dirt on Joe Jonas? And do you think he really did cheat on Taylor Swift? Too bad, I liked them as a couple.
—Phii 

Dear Joe Dirt:
I like Tay-squared better. And no new dirt on Jonas, other than he's in Madrid alone right now. Pity the poor Spaniard chicks there who get treated like he did Taylor. Who does Joe think he is, Doug Reinhardt? And it's just dumb that Joe's still supposed to be so clean and innocent. Give me Nick any day. And as for Swift—how come she always comes out from these Hollywood relayshes unscathed? It's very suspicious, I'm keeping my eye on that cutie.

Dear Ted:
You know, I think Brad Pitt likes his women skinny. Gwyneth Paltrow got even thinner when they were together and so did Jennifer Aniston. I bet Angie lives on celery and lettuce out of fear that if she puts on the pounds, Brad will leave her for a younger, sexier and thinner starlet.
—Hmph 

Dear Nice Catch:
You know, thinking back on it, they all did skinny up while with him. But they don't all share the same eating habits, trust.

Dear Ted:
Did you see the Taylor Lautner interview the other night with Giuliana Rancic? She asks him what he likes to do on a first date, and he mentions that maybe "going to a game, like a hockey game." Oh really? Like the one he went on with Taylor Swift? More proof Tay-Tay is really happening? What do you think?
—Vanness

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Stefanie Keenan/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
Was Angie on the mystery diet when she and Brad got together? If so, why would a man want to have a huge family with a less than "healthy" woman? How accurate is the new bio on these two?
—Kesurface

Dear Bust Up Brange:
Yes, Brad very well knew what he was getting into when he ran over to be Jolie's pet.

Dear Ted:
Have Sarah Jessica Parker and hubby Matthew Broderick ever been in one of your blind vices, either together or separately?
—Victoria

Dear Obvious One:
Of course. Innocent, they're not.

Dear Ted:
Who will make it to the altar first: Hayden Christensen, Jensen Ackles or George Eads?
—Fake it

Dear No for Three:
Eads. By default.

Dear Ted:
As everybody else I raved with Robsten's holding hands photo. As you said, in Robsten's terms that was the equivalent to a sex tape. But precisely because of it, can we say that it was an accident? Just a lucky papz in the right place, in the right time? I mean, they're always trying so hard to not appear together like "together" and now this? Or maybe Summit decided to take some advantage? After all, with New Moon's premiere just there, this is sensational, free publicity. Don't misinterpret me, I think it was great, I mean, it was Robsten holding hands!
—Afrodita

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Joe Corrigan/Getty Images

Halloween's in seconds, babes, and looks like every celeb, from A-list to whatever the ef Octomom counts as, is getting in on the Halloween fun.

Nadya Suleman took a photo op dressed as a pregnant nun, har har! Gal's got a killer sense of humor, no? Why else would she dress up her darling brood of babies as devils and flaunt them in front of the press?

Team Awful woulda dressed Nadya in an invisibility cloak so we could forget she existed for one night. But maybe some other famous faces will take our perf costume suggestions picked specifically for them?

Grab a handful of naughty treats everybody and take a peek!

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AP Photo/Junji Kurokawa

Dear Ted:
Do you think the new Andrew Morton bio on Angelina Jolie will be a good insight to the real Angelina? How are Brad and Angie standing the test of time?
—Kesurface 

Dear Bad Bio:
If Morton's Tom Cruise tome is any indication, don't bother with his Angie book. You can find out more goss on the tattooed vixen just by sticking to the Awful Truth. And Brangelina's still playing the same game, keeping those über-smiles stuck on their face when everyone's watching. More annoying than that gross scruff Brad's growing on his mug, blech. But for the record, hope I'm wrong here and Morton gives us a real Princess-Di style page-turner, just doubt it.

Dear Ted:
Can you please give us a Robsten update?! We haven't seen them together since that night they were stalked by the paps into their hotel lobby. Since you know some deep Twi insiders can you reassure all of us Robsten fans that everything is still good between them? I'd like to believe that no news is good news, but when Kristen Stewart didn't show at the wrap party I wasn't sure what to make of it. You can never report on too much Robsten!
—Kdelorit 

Dear Worried:
This make ya feel better, hon?

Dear Ted:
I've been a faithful reader for many years enjoying your juicy gossip on my lunch hour at work and sneaking peaks throughout the day. However, I've been really turned-off by all of this Robsten junk. Your "Awful Truth" should be renamed to be the "Awful Truth about Robsten." I took a break from reading your site because (let's be honest) it started boring me to tears for the lack of non-Robsten articles. After a few months, I've returned to check it out only to see that nothing has changed. I'm sure I'm not the only faithful that has lost their faith. You should really rethink making your Awful Truth all about Robsten. See ya.
—KB Houston, Tx

Dear Harsh: 
You think there's too much Robsten, the girl above you think there's too little. Can't please everybody. I write the scoops as I get 'em, and a lot of the times, it's Twi-related.

Dear Ted:
Natalie Portman recently compared eating meat to rape, which I think is ridiculous since she signed that Child Rapist's Petition. I think Ms. Portman needs a wake up call. And, I know the perfect man to do it! You! Tell us her Blind Vice! Please?
—Leigh

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InStyle

There's a reason why Reese Witherspoon is one of the craftiest broads in Hollywood.

Even though we know we're being manipulated with each interview into thinking of this pixie as the sweet girl next door (which she ain't), she does it in a way that makes us still like her. Jennifer Garner take notes, by all means.

Reese covers In Style next month and totally takes a play outta the Brangelina interview book.

Like opening up about her sex life, perhaps?

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Francois Duhamel/ TWC 2009

"That's up to Quentin Tarantino. I better be or I'll kill his ass!"

—Threatened Eli Roth, when we asked whether the rumors regarding an Inglourious Basterds sequel or prequel are true, and if we'll be seeing Roth's mighty mass of chest hair in it.

Maybe Angelina Jolie can climb on board for Part 2, since QT told us himself he'd friggin' love to work with her. Angie as a femme fatale in 1940s Germany? Sounds more exciting than all that depressing drama crap Jolie's been in while hunting for that second Oscar.

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Think Brangelina could squeeze in another flick? Peep their Family Album, then decide

Is Brad Pitt giving up his film career for something smaller? What—or who—is keeping Gerard Butler up at night? And what the hell is really going on with Sophia Bush and Austin Nichols? Didn't they learn from David Letterman that you shouldn't date where ya work?

Find out in this week's Truth, Lies & Ted!

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Awww, look at the cute family! The Jolie-Pitts!

Steve Granitz/Getty Images, Lisa O'Connor/ZumaPress.com

Even though Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie reportedly met briefly on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith—AKA the movie that ate Jen's marriage to Brad Pitt—we're just dying to know if the gals have encountered each other since. Aren't you?

So remember our fab Brangelina insider who gave us all the scoop on how Jen and Angelina currently feel towards each other? Now we gotta ask: Have they, or haven't they had it out?

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With all the reader concern as of late 'bout Angelina Jolie's sickly arms, Shiloh's clothes, and Brad Pitt marital woes—we decided to check in with one of our dear friends who just also happens to be a close chum to the Jolie-Pitt's. No joke.

We filled our super-connected inside Brangie source in on some of our latest run-ins with the blessed couple. Remember back at the Inglourious Basterds premiere where Angelina 'fessed she and Brad would def be quitting movies someday, and that they would be focusing on kids instead of their careers?

Well, seems like Angie might have been a bit to eager back in August:

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Summit Entertainment

We're sorry, Robstenites. Although we totally don't agree with reports that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart's relationship is on the outs, we do have to pose the ugly q:

Is Robsten doomed from the start?

If vampires and publicists were around during Shakespeare's day, we bet he would have changed Romeo & Juliet to Rob & Kristen for sure. They certainly seem like cross-starred lovers, do they not? Fighting to stay together despite overbearing forces desperately trying to keep them apart. So romantic—and depressingly idealistic.

Why can't our fave couple be blessed like Brangelina?

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Larry Busacca/WireImage.com

As happy as we are for the fabs celebs tying the knot so gloriously and spectacularly lately, gotta say this gonzo wedding coverage is making us throw up a little bit.

I'm mean, some of us just happen to be getting divorces right about now! Indeed, many of these starry love folk rub their so-called "eternal" love in your face by throwing the biggest, fanciest ceremonies money can buy, only to spend twice the amount on divorce lawyers. It's a waste of moolah, for one, but also totally depressing.

If rich, beautiful people can't get along with one another, what hope do the rest of us have?

Feeling similarly? Check out our Bitter Matrimony gallery, filled to the brim with the most ostentatious, obnoxious splashy celeb weddings that ended in marriages that just didn't stick. And if you're one of those lucky babes in love planning your own big day, don't bother throwing the bouquet in our direction—we'd prolly just burn it.

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Behold! The Awful Truth's Bitter Matrimony gallery!

Ander Gillenea/Getty Images

"The bigger prankster? I got a little bit more mischievous vibe from Pitt, so that would be my guess. He's kind of always looking for trouble."

—The Office and Inglourious Basterds star B.J. Novak (who is totally cute, real-man awesome, btw) when we asked him who was a bigger prankster on set, Steve Carell or Brad Pitt

We're a little surprised that Steve's all business at work, but can't say we're too shocked about Brad having some fun tricks up his sleeve. Like, his love life's kinda all trouble, right? No way can you live with Angelina Jolie and not pick up some crafty moves.