The Awful Truth

HBO/Jaimie Trueblood

Let's face it: Vampires, in general, are a pretty salacious bunch. But we've basically got two kinds lurking around, right?

There's the more noble and chiseled variety, as in Robert Pattinson's Edward Cullen. But on the other fang, you've got flesh-chomping sex-crawlers Nikki Reed and Alexander Skarsgard. On-camera, too, for that matter!

Which begs, just begs, the need for a new addition to our fab Celeb Addictionary! Certainly for cast members of the myriad Vamp shows and movies who can't necessarily be trusted with humans' throats once the day's shooting is done.

Want to hear what we think they should be called?

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Michael Becker / FOX

What's the word for someone who's totally effing with the public's adoring minds—and the rest of H'wood's—on what they're gonna do next?

Like Paula Abdul's iffy actions regarding the whole will-she-or-won't-she-return sitch. Paula wouldn't give a definitive answer on if she was coming back to American Idol—except for posting vague threats on Twitter. And when we finally found out she had been ousted from the judges table, she was still semi-silent about her next move. Why, so she can finagle her way back onto the show? You'd better believe it!

Fox is playing the same damn game, only booking temporary guest judges and just shrugging its shoulders when anyone asks about a more-permanent fourth judge. Infuriating, ain't it?

Other examples might be Christopher Nolan being wishy-washy about when or if he's directing the next Batman flick. Or Chris Brown taking his sweetass time before he makes a move after beating the hell out of Rihanna—choosing to go waterskiing at Diddy's instead of apologizing.

We think the perf word is publicitease.

Can ya beat that?

Anthony, PacificCoastNews.com

What's the right word for a supersexy male stud who loses his simmering appeal once he opens his mouth?

Take for ince the John Mayer or Gerard Butler types—and no, not just because they have Jennifer Aniston in common. Both of these guys are superyummy to look at but tend to totally lose their hotness with each media-whoring utterance that comes out of their mouths.

Ever heard the phrase stand still, look pretty? That's what these types of guys need to opt for more often. Think the penile version of Megan Fox—although we don't mind when that troublemaker opens her trap.

We think the perf word for this dude dynamic is douche-throb. Think you all can do better?

Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images; Steve Granitz/Getty Images

What's the word for one member of a celebrity couple who gets totally crucified by the public, while the other gets off scot-free?

Say, for example, Angelina Jolie—the man-eating be-yotch who stole Brad Pitt away from Jennifer Aniston. What, Brad had no part in that? Doesn't it take two to hook up and do the Mr. and Mrs. Smith tango?

Or Robert Pattinson who is the wholly innocent Twilight golden child, while Kristen Stewart receives the fan backlash—for reasons stunningly and mysteriously unknown to us. Uh, didn't Rob still have the hots for K even when she was with a boyfriend?

We think the perf word for this is humilify. Can you top it?

RAMEY PHOTO

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Photo by Frank Micelotta/Getty Image

What do you call a pair of costars who are obviously more than "good friends," but who keep denying there's anything going on behind the scenes? Maybe the actors have supposed significant others, which is why they can't go public?

Or what about costars who may have been caught hooking up but who claim it's over...but supposed stalking behavior tends to shoot that theory to stinky poop?

First celebs who come to mind in these sitches are Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, and the penultimate poorly disguised pairing of all time, Brangelina.

We think a good word could be So-Mance.

Can you beat that?

Frank Micelotta/FOX; Michael Becker/FOX

What do you call being a closeted homo celeb and having the whole world proclaim your sexuality before you're actually ready to?

Or maybe there's a young Disney star who really only started to make a name for herself because of some racy semi-nude Vanity Fair pics and total stripper-ready older BF who mysteriously comes and goes in her life when convenient for him?

Peeps everywhere (yes, including us) are really extrapolating these famous folks' sexuality, right? But what happens when the target's not the one necessarily doing it. There oughta be a word, right?

We think it should be hommercialize.

Can you top that?