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death (472 posts)
Did More Celebs Die This Year—Or Does It Just Feel That Way?
Pool Photographer/Getty Images; Jason Merritt/Getty Images; Jeff Kravitz/Getty Images; Mike Marsland/Getty Images; Paul Natkin/Getty Images; PBS
Just read about Capt. Lou Albano dying. This really is the year of death for celebs, isn't it?
—RK12, via the Answer B!tch inbox
Year? Well, it's only October. Give the Grim Reaper through mid-November at least, sheesh.
Besides, you aren't in sync with the lingo; Twitterers have declared this past season the Summer of Death, and, indeed, statistics do indicate that the hot months of 2009 were a serious hotbed of death and deathlike activity. Ricardo Montalban died in January, but there was no wave of celebrity deaths in that month—on Fantasy Island or anywhere else—and it's too soon to say whether Albano's death will usher in a tragedy trend for the fall. But between Michael Jackson, DJ AM, Patrick Swayze, Farrah Fawcett, Walter Cronkite, John Hughes and Billy Mays—not to mention Albano—there is indeed evidence that the summer proved slightly more hazardous for the famous ...
... take a look at the numbers and decide for yourself. There's a service called Celebrity Death Beeper, and, as the name suggests, it pings you when someone of note dies, in a noteworthy manner or not. And the Beeper people have said that, with about 31 deaths over this past summer—compared with roughly 29 in 2007 and 23 in 2008—this summer proved deadlier, albeit not horrifically so. (That isn't to say that the deaths of George Carlin in June 2008, or Merv Griffin in July of 2007, were any less notable or sad. They just weren't part of a catchy phenomenon like the Twitter Summer of Death.)
So why does it seem like there have been more deaths lately? Well, let's not forget one very serious factor: you're getting more news than ever before, including the deathy kind. Even as little as a few years ago, it was harder to find out exactly who was dead and of what. Sure, we had the 24-hour news cycle, but phenomena like Twitter have allowed a certain type of impatient person to learn about deaths they otherwise might have missed. And ever since Michael Jackson's death—come on, face it: More of you are actually focusing on stories of dying celebrities than you have in years past.
In other words, deaths have always happened (breaking news: you are dying right now) but were you always paying attention?
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So much talk of death. How about some lively counterprogramming with our Baby Bumpin' gallery!
How Much Michael Jackson Is Too Much Michael Jackson?
I am so sick of Michael Jackson, already, let him rest in peace. Why are they giving his movie 15 premieres? Are people really going to see this?
—Darryl, via the Answer B!tch inbox
How dare you, sir? Only "legend," "king," "icon"—or a repeat of "legend"—can be used in discussing Michael Jackson and his incredibly special, totally humble family. A man has died.
According to my research, you share a mindset with thousands, probably millions, of other feckless, Godless people worldwide. But not enough feckless, Godless people worldwide.
Even now, nearly three months after Jackson's family trotted out his gold-cased corpse on live TV, some people still want to see the upcoming documentary This Is It.
How do I know? Well...
What's Worse Than Cate Blanchett Bloodied Onstage?
Eric Ryan/Getty Images
Is Cate Blanchett going to be OK? If set people aren't more careful someone is going to die one day.
—Shivas
Someone already has died one day, dear. And yes, I mean an actor. It's not Blanchett, though. She just got cut when a prop radio connected with her head during a stage play. She has said the show will go on. But movie, TV and stage acting has caused a plethora of bigger and badder accidents. Read on to get my top 10...
Would Any Other Celeb Death Be Such a Big Deal?
Would any other celebrity death cause as big a ruckus as this two-week public mourning of Michael Jackson?
—Outstanding
Interesting question to mull. At first you might think of a Bruce Springsteen or Madonna or whatnot. Or even a Barack Obama, who certainly is credited with, you know, making hope spring anew, and all this.
But then again, maybe not. Lots of people are record-ripping hitmakers or worldwide hope generators, but I doubt we'd see the same collective hair tearing over Mariah Carey or Nelson Mandela.
Why? Let's face it. One of the reasons people are dissolving into such sanctimonious hysterics over M.J.'s death is...
Will the Michael Jackson Memorial Cost Taxpayers?
Jed Jacobsohn/ Getty Images, Telegraph UK/ ZUMA Press
How much is the Michael Jackson memorial event going to cost people in taxes?
—Michaela, Sylmar
Most of the obedient serfs close to the memorial aren't saying how much it will cost citizens—and that includes public safety folks who, I could have sworn, work for us.
However, a city official tells me we're looking at this costing Los Angeles $2.5 million. And rising. For a city that is operating on a deep deficit.
Still, to dedicated fans, that cost may sound reasonable; as Al Sharpton is so keen on reminding us, we're dealing with an icon who apparently needs his own postage stamp and national holiday.
However, you may be chapped to learn exactly how much the Jackson family and promoter AEG will be benefiting from this outlay of public funds...
Will Michael Jackson's Funeral Be Jehovah's Witness—or Muslim?
Getty Images; Pool Photographer/Getty Images
Weren't the Jackson family Jehovah's Witnesses? How will that effect the funeral?
—Bet
Other fans are asking me similar questions, but instead wondering whether Michael Jackson's funeral may be Muslim. See, in 2007, his brother Jermaine Jackson told the media that Michael had shown interest in the religion, and there was brief speculation that Jackson converted from Jehovah's Witness to Islam.
Now, we know this: (a) There will be no memorial service at Neverland, (b) there might be some kind of Jackson-related event on Tuesday at the Staples Center, (c) his body is waiting at Forest Lawn cemetery in Los Angeles, and (d) there are signs of a private family service on Sunday, possibly the funeral.
However, of the two religions mentioned above, if the funeral is religious at all, it will probably swing toward...
Who Gets Invited to a Celebrity Funeral—and How?
AP Photo/Fred Prouser, Pool
When a celebrity dies, there's often a "small, private funeral" announced. Do they hire security to keep looky-loos away? How do they know who to let in and keep out? Is there a guest list? Do they send invitations?
—Inga G., via Answer B!tch inbox
Oh, there's security at a celebrity funeral all right, and there will be at imminent services for Natasha Richardson. Let's put it this way: If your grandma is buried in the same cemetery that's hosting a celebrity funeral, don't bet on visiting your ancestors that day. Dead relative or not, you probably won't get in—the celebrities, and their privacy, come first.
As for invitations, well, this isn't a wedding. Instead, celebrity insiders tell me...
What's a Scientology Funeral Like?
Given the sad news about Jett Travolta, I got to wondering: What is a Scientology funeral like?
—Deb, Skokie, Ill.
There are funerary customs specific to Scientology, the longtime religion of John Travolta and his family. (FYI: Other superfamous Scientology adherents include Tom Cruise, Beck and My Name Is Earl castmates Jason Lee and Ethan Suplee.) A hallmark of Scientology is the belief that humans are immortal spirits, beings who have lived many lifetimes and whose potential is unlimited.
A funeral, therefore, focuses on the departed like this...
Will Britney Even Live to be Madonna's Age?
Fame Pictures
Do you think Britney Spears will live long enough to grow old?
—Babongile, Johannesburg, South Africa
Whelp, let's dial up the ol' DeathClock.com and see what the sadistic online battle-ax has to say on Ms. Spears, shall we? You just plug in some stats, including whether Britney smokes (she has been seen puffing on ciggy treats) and her body mass index. Hell, let's throw her a bone and say it's under 25.
Ah, there we go.
The most pessimistic scenario has Britney shedding her Southern-fried mortal coil on March 22, 2030—at 48 years old.
But realistically, professional death watchers tell me, she could live decades longer. Over at GhoulPool.us, 35 people have entered a betting pool over which celebrities will die this year. Only eight have cast their fate with Britney. Nine have listed Amy Winehouse, six with Pete Doherty and five for Lindsay Lohan.