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Has Jessica Simpson totally given up on herself? Jessy was once the fun-loving, supersmiley gal in H'wood. Now, following yet another public breakup, every time we see her out and about, she looks totally down in the dumps (and maybe just a li'l bit drunk), like she can't even fake being happy anymore.

And rumors are swirling she's rebounding from her Romo relaysh with former BF and current d-bag John Mayer, which couldn't be more masochistic behavior, considering he just might have been the abusive boyfriend she previously bitched about.

Look, Jess, we get why you'd still hold a candle for J.M. He's a talented musician who writes sorta-hot makeout music. And besides that tattoo sleeve, he's pretty doable, too. Looks OK in a bikini. And your brother-in-law Pete Wentz is good friends with Mayer, so hooking back up with him would make double dating with your sis and her hubby totally perf. We know you and John have a history, and the sex was probably great (when it wasn't disgusting), but you don't always need to be with somebody! Especially not the same dude who told you to back off in his blog.

Take some single time to figure out the one thing more effed than your love life: your career. And if you're worried about not finding your soul mate in time to have kids, you can always ask your hair stylist and BFF Ken Paves to be a sperm donor. He's not only the one guy in your life who has yet to let ya down, but he's gotten into fights defending your Southern-born ass. We heartily approve!

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Looks like some of you Kristen Stewart haters in the message boards have found company—with Rob's own family!

According to Life & Style, Robert Pattinson's aunt (did she come crawling out of the bitchy woodwork or what) Diana Nutley is very anti-Robsten saying, "I don't think it would be a good idea for Robert to be in a serious relationship with Kristen...How can he live his life with a fellow star with their every move being watched just like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes?"

But the passive-aggressive bashing doesn't stop there: 

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Loving Kristen Stewart's newfound choice of friends. Just slightly different than her previous after-filming patterns of hanging with Michael Angarano or Nikki Reed—also L.A. locals, no?

Recently, K.Stew and Dakota Fanning hung out after being in the recording studio all day, and we're shocked to see Kris actually smiling.

Could it be because she's still been talking with a "good friend" from New York? You bet.

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"I have a celebrity crush on Shane West, of course."

—Evan Rachel Wood, clearly way over ex Marilyn Manson, showin' the love for new boy-toy, Shane, at the Young Hollywood Awards. Ev and Westy, onetime TV bro and sis on Once and Again, were snapped celebrating his B-day with at club Bardot just the night before, but the weirdo dude and babe still coulda denied anything was going on. Ain't it great to be out in the open? We love when celebs cut the merde and aren't oh-so-coy with us about their love lives. Adam Lambert, you'd better be next!

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Now, before you all keep ranting about how superhottie Chris Pine is totally ruined now that he's hooked up with a Hills gal like Audrina Patridge, we feel like we have to clear the air a bit and tell ya that it's really not that weird.

Not completely.

See, we're told that Chris and Audrina have had mutual pals for a while. When Chris was first starting out in the Biz, circa the Lindsay Lohan Just My Luck era, we hear that he may have been acquaintances with Brian Drolet. Don't feel bad, we couldn't remember who that was either at first, but if you remember back to season one of The Hills, he was one of the guys who was set up on the "reality" show with Ms. Patridge. (Side note: Look how different all these girls look back in this season, it's unreal.)

But that's not all…

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All's been quiet on the Jennifer Aniston dating front, which means it's time for her to pick a new guy before her picture is splashed all over the tabloids with some headline like "Jennifer's So Alone!"

Her latest target? Her He's Just Not That Into You costar Bradley Cooper. According to friends, the good-lookin' pair have been "hooking up" for about a month. Jen and Brad 2.0 first made flirty headlines when Page Six caught Bradley trying to get into J's Management party incognito in some douchey disguise.

Partygoers blab Aniston and Coop "flirted up a storm," while Jen "kept touching [Bradley's] chest and whispering in his ear." All in front of B's ex-wife, Jennifer Esposito, who was all but pleased about it. Maybe J.A. was just happy to be on that side of things for once.

So are Jen and Bradley really getting that hot 'n' heavy? Aniston's rep says, "We don't respond to rumors about her personal life," while Cooper's publicist was quick to shoot back: "There is no truth to it."

Well, we all know how truthful PR folks are, so it's time to check in with our source deep inside Camp Aniston:

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So it seems like most of you do not approve of Holly Madison's most recent choice of man meat. More than 60 percent of you declared you would hardly be inclined to add Russell Brand onto your list of bedroom conquests.

Can't say I blame you, either, although some here at the A.T. disgustingly disagree.

The comments, though, were much more evenly mixed. There were some Russ-lovers like pinkcheeks who seemed to get quite offended people wouldn't want to do Brand, and she snipped: "I don't understand you people…he's a catch, he's very intelligent, he's handsome and he's very charming."

Reader Marie much more eloquently disagreed, saying "you reap what you sow, one whore for another." Ouch, you one-named bitch!

Either way, we're no Barack Obama and we trust our polls. Sorry, Russ, don't look at readers here for your next between-the-sheets romp.
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Get deeper in my dish on Twitter @theawfultruth

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Not that any of you exactly needed confirmation on this, but it turns out that Russell Brand and Holly Madison's Vegas flirtation may have led to a lot more than just that.

We hear (well, we didn't actually hear, but other guests at the hotel did) that R and H had quite the good time together after hanging at Tao.

We're talkin' moans, screams, the whole he/shebang. But maybe Hol was just laughing at R's Brit sense of humor? We get Madison's obvious, blond, boobalicious appeal, but we're all mixed when it comes to Russell.

Would you tap that?

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It's pretty obvious the sealed-off writing's on the wall concerning Robsten's relaysh, but we told you it's apparently inked (nixed?) in fine print, too. As in no dating, or any kind of "romantic" relationship allowed.

So does this go for all of the Summit suits' clientele?

Technically. But Summit sure seems to be turning a blind eye to two of its stars who are supposedly hooking up.

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Has Natalie Portman—now that she's shaken off rocker Devendra Banhart—set her sites on major heartthrob Rob Pattinson? Sure looked that way last night at the posh Vanity Fair Oscar Party.

"[Portman] seemed really into him, and went right up to say hello once she spotted him," dished a close Pattinson chum at the exclusive do.

So what was the Twilight star and Oscar presenter all jittery about, then? Well...

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Katy Perry recently blogged that there is nothing going on between her and Benji Madden, and now Benji tells E! that the two really are just friends.

"I'm happy to be her friend," B blabs. They may deny "bumping uglies," but we wouldn't be surprised if the late-night "friends" were casually a bit more.

Look at their track records: Katy is a boozer who isn't complicated when it comes to her kissing criteria, and Benji, well, he dated bicycle Paris Hilton. These two should be hooking up. They're young, dammit, no need to take everything so seriously!

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Breathe easy, folks, Kate Hudson is still going strong with hot Aussie Adam Scott. Considering Kate is the antithesis of monogamy, this has been a long relaysh for the babe. We chatted to a friend of the purely straight starlet to see if A.S.'s ass is up for the challenge of filling Owen Wilson's...shoes:

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