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Jon Gosselin came bearing gifts. He left one giant step closer to losing a wife.

The artists otherwise known as Jon & Kate met face to face at a Pennsylvania law office on Saturday for a daylong arbitration meeting to essentially put a stake in their marriage.

Sources close to TLC's former fun couple say that the Gosselins closed in on finalizing custody arrangements for the eight and the division of assets. Jon even showed up with a bouquet of roses at the start of the meeting as a symbol of his newfound commitment to make things right.

But while Kate seemed amenable to the terms of their divorce, she left sans flowers.

The final episode of Jon & Kate Plus 8 (at least as we know it) airs Monday. Their marriage could be over before the new year.

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Sarah Palin: Why won't she just go the hell away?
—JYLynn, via Twitter

Her lingering corpse does seem odd, given she was slaughtered during the election, then drawn and quartered by the media after she left gubernatorial office—midway through her term—in Alaska.

At this point, Sarah Palin's just another celebrity shilling a book, right? So why does she seem like so much more? Well...

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All was quiet on the Gosselin front—for a few days, anyway—but not anymore. And you have Kate Major to thank.

The tabloid reporter turned comically contracted personal assistant/romantic interest of Jon Gosselin is ready to launch a battle royale against the reality douche dad.

"One day this nightmare will hopefully end," she tweeted today. "If he would have told the TRUTH we wouldnt be in this position…."

You don't have to strain too hard to figure out the "he" to whom she's referring.

Major has already lawyered up in advance of a potential lawsuit, which, per RadarOnline, will include claims of breach-of-contract, fraud and loss of wages.

She claims that Gosselin apparently failed to make good on the hand-scrawled, half-baked terms of their contract, which promised Major a salary commensurate to her Star paycheck and "a percentage of accounts for payment based upon involvement."

Hey, Jon, ever feel like your best just isn't good enough?

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Ever wonder why Jon just can't keep his mouth shut? You're in luck, cause so did Answer Bitch and she somehow got to the bottom of his bottomless trap.

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In between fake breaking up with his girlfriend, posing with fellow infamous pop-culture trainwrecks, befriending rabbis and showing a modicum of self-awareness by promoting mocking himself in viral videos, Jon Gosselin has found time to fight back against TLC.

The former reality TV dad is countersuing the Jon and Kate Plus 8 cable net, answering their widening breach-of-contract suit against him by claiming TLC not only violated child labor laws while filming his octobrood at their Pennsylvania compound, but made him sign a totally unfair contract that severely restricted him from pimping Ed Hardy, making the entertainment news show rounds and doing whatever else it is he does to earn money these days.

Aside from alleging that the network caused him to lose business opportunities and harmed his reputation (we weren't aware he needed help on that last one), Gosselin claims in his $5 million suit that the network has also failed to make good on the promise of some cold, hard cash.

TLC has yet to comment on Gosselin's salvo, presumably because the complaint has yet to be filed in Maryland's Montgomery County Circuit Court.

But according to documents leaked to Radar Online, Gosselin reveals that he pocketed $22,500 per half-hour episode and $45,000 for the hourlong, Very Special Episodes—and says he is still owed $175,000.

As for his contract-violating money-making ventures, well, if it's flimsy excuses you're looking for, Gosselin's got you covered.

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Jon Gosselin now believes he's a big enough celebrity to do one of those self-referential Funny or Die videos where famous people make fun of themselves and then we think they're cool for a few minutes. (See: Lindsay Lohan's eHarmony one or Paris Hilton's presidential campaign.)

It's all about what he can do to erase the mistakes he's made over the past year. Simple things like: get rid of those earrings, ditch the Ed Hardy, stop going to clubs, don't hang out with the paparazzi and delete Michael Lohan from his phone.

This is all stuff he should actually do, too. In real life. Not in a fake Internet video. So watching him pretend to stop being douchey when he's still being douchey just makes him more douchey.

Also, he probably should have just posted this on YouTube rather than asking people to vote whether he's funny or should die. That's just asking for trouble.

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Now, to cleanse your palate, check out Taylor Swift doing her cute, sincere thing in our Big Pic gallery.

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Hailey Glassman and Michael Lohan have never met a camera they didn't like. But right about now they're probably wishing they had just kept their media-whoring mouths shut.

And if they're not, then Jon Gosselin certainly is.

TLC's pitbull law firm has unveiled its wishlist of Gosselin hangers-on to be grilled in the network's breach-of-contract suit against the octodad, and in a surprise to no one, both Glassman and Lohan are tops on their wish list.

In addition to the publicity parasites, the Washington D.C.-based firm of Williams & Connolly wants to depose Thomas Meinelt, the paparazzo turned Gosselin bodyguard who is no doubt harboring extensive dirt on his new boss; Jon's divorce attorneys Michael and Mark Heller; and Matthew Kirschner, the rep for the "talent" that is J.Goss.

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Last night was Kate Gosselin's turn to speak and pause for dramatic effect get choked up. And, because there's no way she could have the last word for more than a few hours, now it's Jon Gosselin's turn.

This time the word is "lieing." It reminds us of the time he misspelled his own name on a huge sign threatening some sort of "penelty" to trespassers at his home.

Of course, he takes a break from his current apology tour and starts today with a Twitter update that appears innocent enough. However, thanks to an extended tweet program, looks can be deceiving.

"Got up early this morning took Mady and Cara to the bus, Came home to then hug my other 6 little morsels," he begins. That's almost all you can see in the basic version but, if you dare click that ellipses-like link, you've got some of Papa G's patented spell check-defying bitterness in store. He takes on ex-GF Hailey Glassman and then lays into Kate.

Prepare for the sweet to get increasingly salty.

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The Kate-Gosselin-Sets-It-Straight train rolled into Remorseland today.

The reality-TV star whose show has been postponed out from under her admits in her latest interview that she isn't proud of the Jon & Kate Plus 8 moments which she spent berating hubby Jon Gosselin or otherwise bossing him around.

"I was very hard on him and I would never deny that," she said tonight on the TLC special Kate: Her Story. "I felt very much like a lot of weight rested on my shoulders."

"I was wrong to treat him that way," she added. "Was it good, healthy and wonderful? No. Am I proud of those moments that were captured? No."

Those moments were the ones that initially had the fans playing for Team Jon in the early days of their breakup—before new Jon reared his ugly (yet now apologetic) head.)

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Déjà vu.

During Jon Gosselin's Sunday night appearance at New York City's West Side Jewish Center, the world's most famous reality dad had yet another public epiphany, alongside his newest companion, Rabbi Shmuley Boteach.

Everything got covered during Gosselin's forum, Gawker reports, including his excuse for arriving 40 minutes late. When he got over his own tardiness, he shared on his desire to be out of the spotlight, his rumored split with Hailey Glassman and his request for forgiveness from his estranged wife, Kate.

"I think I'm just misunderstood. I'm not a fame seeker. Everyday I look in the mirror and I wonder [why I'm famous]," asked the reality star at the public event. "I don't sing. I don't dance. I'm not a Nobel Peace Prize winner. I just had eight kids and I had a show on TLC."

TLC fame or not, Gosselin says he in no way condones his actions over the past few months.

"Half the stuff I've done, if I look at my moral compass, I shouldn't have done," he said. "I know that, but I did it anyway. It's like fame canceled out conviction. I didn't grow up this way. But I have to keep on going, keep on working and providing." And in regards to his children, Gosselin stated: "I know I'll have to explain my actions."

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It is so easy to scoff at every apology that comes out of Jon Gosselin's sorry mouth.

He's a joke, you say. He's a loser, you say. He poses for pictures like, well, the one above, you remind.

And, most of all, you offer as final argument, he's a celebrity, and not even a very good one at that.

To you, the idea that Jon Gosselin's recent mea culpas are sincere and heartfelt is laughable. Believe Jon Gosselin?! Trust Jon Gosselin?! Root for Jon Gosselin?!

To which we simply say, yes.

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