Movie Reviews
Hot-buttered opinion on the latest flicks
Review: The Men Who Stare at Goats Silly and Outdated, Despite Clooney Cool
BBC Films
Review in a Hurry: Ditched by his wife, reporter Bob Wilton (Ewan McGregor) makes a semi-suicidal beeline for Iraq. There he encounters apparent psychic soldier Lyn Cassady (George Clooney), who spins a dubious yarn about a special psy-ops program and leads his new compadre into a hippies-versus-soldiers conflict that feels about 40 years too late.
Review: Doc-Style Alien Fright Flick The Fourth Kind Just Feels...Fake
Simon Vesrano / Universal Pictures
Review in a Hurry: Actress Milla Jovovich, in the role of "Actress Milla Jovovich," hosts an odd mash-up of supposed "found" footage and re-enacted scenes featuring herself and other name actors, as they tell us a dubious and occasionally scary "true" story involving UFO abductions in Nome, Alaska (as portrayed herein by a town in Bulgaria).
Review: A Christmas Carol Dark 'n' Faithful—Despite All the Jim Carrey 3-D
Disney
Review in a Hurry: No "humbugs" here. Disney animates Charles Dickens' timeless tale of a Christmas-hating miser without, well, Disney-fying it. Devoted Dickens fans will even appreciate the darkness and social commentary—if not all the Jim Carrey.
Review: The Box is Hilarious—But Doesn't Mean to Be (Hi, Cameron Diaz!)
Dale Robinette/ Warner Bros.
Review in a Hurry: This preposterous Cameron Diaz thriller offers a promising premise: a mysterious box bestows riches in exchange for killing a stranger. But then it dumps in existentialism, government conspiracies, aliens, nosebleeds, deformities—and dresses it all in ugly '70s polyester fashions and geo-print wallpaper. Blecch.
Review: Napoleon Dynamite + Battlefield Earth = Gentlemen Broncos!
Fox Searchlight Pictures
Review in a Hurry: An odd attempt at satirizing the world of pulp sci-fi writers. This confused tale of a boy with a promising manuscript, the girl who tries to make a low-budget movie out of it, and the successful author who rips them off contains moments of mirth, but poor plotting and juvenile gross-out humor keep it from ever taking off.
Review: Michael Jackson's This Is It a Fitting Goodbye (Bonus: It's Also a Great Movie)
Sony Pictures
Review in a Hurry: The legions of fans who have bought their tickets to experience Michael Jackson's last performance need only know that thankfully, This Is It is just that.
Review: Saw VI the Year's Best Super-Gorey Movie About Health Insurance
Steve Wilkie/Lionsgate
Review in a Hurry: Capitalism beware! Michael Moore was a pussycat compared to Saw's John "Jigsaw" Kramer (Tobin Bell), whose really-we-mean-it-this-time-last posthumous wish was apparently that vengeance be wrought upon predatory lenders and health insurance executives. No, really. Enjoy.
Review: The Vampire's Assistant Only Kinda Sucks
David Lee / Universal
Review in a Hurry: Can't get your fill of bloodsuckers? Then drink up, hardcore fang fans, because Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant doesn't totally suck, though it's not very satisfying either. Still, this intermittently funny Freak show about a goody-goody kid who becomes part-vampire provides a few treats for tween Halloweeners.
Review: Astro Boy Missing Iconic Kid-Robot Charm
Summit Entertainment
Review in a Hurry: One of the original icons of Japanese anime—the robot boy with the atomic heart—gets a Hollywood upgrade in this sporadically entertaining but somewhat muddled all-star CG animated feature.
Review: Amelia a Thin Lifetime-y Biopic That Won't Let Swank Soar
Ken Woroner/Fox Searchlight
Review in a Hurry: Hilary Swank dons more than just a pilot's cap to become Amelia Earhart, legendary '30s aviator and folk hero. But in this careful and bland biopic, the two-time Oscar winner gets—like her latest doomed subject—lost the clouds.
Review: Dreary Law Abiding Citizen Makes Death Wish Look Like Fun
Overture Films
Review in a Hurry: Jamie Foxx and Gerard Butler star in a ridiculous vigilante revenge fantasy flick that gets so tangled in the knotty issue of justice, it ends up strangling itself with absurdity.
Review: The Stepfather Just Another Watered-Down Serial Killer Remake
Screen Gems
Review in a Hurry: A lazy PG-13 re-do of the enjoyable 1987 R-rated suspense flick about a serial killer in search of the perfect family. The original is notable for being a breakthrough role for Terry O'Quinn, nowadays best known as John Locke on Lost. The remake is notable for nothing whatsoever.
