Michael Rozman/Warner Bros

"To those who are complaining that Ellen isn't right for Idol, I say she is. Because she has heart. And that's what that show's about."

—Emmys winner and standout musical artist herself (not to mention upcoming American Idol contributor) Kristin Chenoweth, when we asked about the shocking choice of DeGeneres as a replacement judge for Paula Abdul

True enough, I suppose, but we're still gonna miss Abdul's green eye shadow, not to mention kooky comebacks—and Ellen can certainly take care of the latter, just not the former.

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For more ladies of the night, check out our Emmy Winners gallery!

Ellen Degeneres Show

"There have definitely been some mixed feelings among fans and the media so far," an American Idol insider tells us about yesterday's jaw-dropping Ellen DeGeneres announcement.

At least Fox is totally aware that replacing the former '90s pop starlet (and current tweet crybaby) Paula Abdul with a nonsinging, sometimes dancing comedian was a bold—and possibly lethal—move for the hit show.

So why did they approach Ellen, of all people, to permanently join the judge's table? Isn't that a li'l like Quentin Tarantino's bizarre stints as guest judge? And what do the people behind the curtain at Idol think about this strange switcheroo?

Some Fox folks are not as on board as others...

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Michael Becker / FOX

What's the word for someone who's totally effing with the public's adoring minds—and the rest of H'wood's—on what they're gonna do next?

Like Paula Abdul's iffy actions regarding the whole will-she-or-won't-she-return sitch. Paula wouldn't give a definitive answer on if she was coming back to American Idol—except for posting vague threats on Twitter. And when we finally found out she had been ousted from the judges table, she was still semi-silent about her next move. Why, so she can finagle her way back onto the show? You'd better believe it!

Fox is playing the same damn game, only booking temporary guest judges and just shrugging its shoulders when anyone asks about a more-permanent fourth judge. Infuriating, ain't it?

Other examples might be Christopher Nolan being wishy-washy about when or if he's directing the next Batman flick. Or Chris Brown taking his sweetass time before he makes a move after beating the hell out of Rihanna—choosing to go waterskiing at Diddy's instead of apologizing.

We think the perf word is publicitease.

Can ya beat that?

Paris Match Magazine

Sharon Stone knows how to stay quasi-relevant, I'll give her that much. At 51, the Oscar-nominated actress had the guts to pose topless in a raunchy leather getup for France's Paris Match.

And if that superslim crotch area looks familiar, remember she showed it all in Basic Instinct. That, of course, was also a great stunt the now mom-to-three pulled off to notorious, winning reviews.

Think Paula Abdul and Nicollette Sheridan would still have their jobs if they knew how to strut, strip and shape their bods as Stone shows she still can? Let's get real, here. Older gals in H'wood are totally screwed, especially with...

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Could newly unemployed Paula Abdul be the fifth femme to join the ladies of The View? Why not! "We love Paula," The View's rep exclusively tells us. "She was always welcome on the program in the past and always will be in the future."

Some say Abdul should join Dancing with the Stars or host her own dancing-type show but we totally disagree. Ab-doll's at her best (and most amusing) when she's yammering away about nothing, and what better place to do that on a national platform than The View?

Here's why it makes sense:

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Krista Kennell/Zumapress.com, Paul Fenton/ZumaPress.com

With all the drama surrounding Paula Abdul's possible exit from season nine of American Idol (her reps all but confirmed it this weekend), you have to think about what the hell is going to happen to the most popular show in America right now.

Sure, Paula is one troubled little crumbled cookie (and her often disastrous tabloid headlines aren't really lending a hand to the big comeback that she's been talking about for years). But isn't the reason Idol went from OK talent competition to colossal, megaphenom juggernaut partly owed to Paula's oft-zany antics? She was always the unintentional and often parodied comic relief, and that's kept viewers tuning in for almost a decade.

Nobody watched the show for Paula, but she definitely didn't hurt things, either.

Then there's that freshly axed hausfrau in hot pants over on Wisteria Lane. Jeez, what's with all these programs kicking their best bitches to the curb?

When Desperate Housewives canned Nicollette Sheridan last season, the mourning wasn't that overwhelming, but looking ahead to next season, can't you just tell how boring it will be without the snarling Edie Britt to liven things up on the sometimes blah, Waspy show? Where's a lunatic in inappropriate everything when you need her?

Both shows, I say, benefit from the tension that comes with employing a bothered chick whose extracurricular tabloid troubles equal massive viewership. If Kate Gosselin has taught us anything, it's that being cursed in the headlines means being blessed in the ratings. Listen up, execs.

Michael Becker / FOX

Everyone's yakking about Paula and Kara fighting behind the American Idol scenes and the possibility of one of 'em getting kicked off the show come contract time. So if Idol producers are keen on only keeping one of 'em, which one should it be? The out-of-her-element-but-hilarious Abdul? Or fresh meat DioGuardi who actually knows what she's talking about?

The Awful Truth has the solution to this showdown—the judge who really needs to go is...

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Michael Buckner/Getty Images for PCA

Everyone goes under the knife in H'wood. Some come out looking good, and some come out looking like Mickey Rourke. Hey, at least Mick admits it.

One brave gal from the small screen just admitted she's about to have her own surgical procedure—can you guess who? Check your answer after the jump.

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Michael Becker / FOX

Is it just us or is this year's Idol way different than last year's? We're not just talkin' about the addition of fourth judge Kara DioGuardi (not yet, anyway). Last year, gay strip-club dancer David Hernandez was ousted too early (and wrongly), and now sometimes drag queen Adam Lambert is a friggin' frontrunner!

But the biggest change of all: Paula's acting comprehensibly for once! Holy crap. She's actually doling out valid criticism instead of critiquing songs that haven't been sung yet, and she's engaging Simon's silly side instead of getting riled up by the Brit's bastard behavior.

What the ef's going on?

One Idol insider tells us exactly what's changed with our fave formerly foggy-headed femme:

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Lester Cohen/Getty Images

Don't lie, no one watches American Idol for the contestants, or even for Simon's British bitchin'. Idol is all about Paula Abdul and her zanyass behavior—and outfits.

 What's more entertaining? Amateurs singing country songs or Abdul's ridiculous ensembles that defy any sense of fashion? Exactly.

But Ab-doll's duds aren't just out-there on Idol. Her kooky clothes continue on the carpet, too. Check out our tribute to Paula's wondrous wardrobe, ranked from "just a little off" to "absolutely insane." We hope she never gets a stylist—we love her just the way she is, heinous threads and all!

Kevin Winter/Getty Images

"I discovered Kara. We wrote...our first song together that went multiplatinum all over the world. Then I...convinced her, a total stranger, to give two weeks' notice at her job, and I moved her into my home in L.A. So no one at Idol even...knew that, and Simon is so pissed off because we're laughing the whole time!"

—Paula Abdul, half delirious with slurs and pauses, gushing s l o w l y about how she is a fan of new judge Kara DioGuardi. We'd love to get Kar's take on this whole BFF biz, 'cause somehow we just don't see it