The Awful Truth

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Leave it to Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson to finally be spotted out in public together—and we can't even see their faces! Ry and ScarJo took a wild ride on Reynolds' motorcycle in L.A., and all we can do is yawn.

It's totally heatless!

Scarlett, if we were gripping a tight bod like Ry-Ry's we would hold onto his muscles for dear life—maybe even throw a leg or two around his ripped waist just to remind all those fantasizing girls out there that that's what you get to do in private, too.

We never get to see two of the most gorgeous people on the planet, who just happen to be married, out together ever.

Scar and Ry have been the butt of a few rumors surrounding their marriage—that not all is well in paradise—but they still like being around each other enough to sit close 'n' tight on a hog, we guess. Sure, a "wild" bike ride trumps Jake and Reese's standard latte hangouts, but Rarlett has so much more potential than Gyllenspoon that it pains us to see them throw their yummyness away for a bad set of helmet hair.

Show us some sexy, you two! Even Robsten manages to do it better and they are way more on the down-low.

________

Yawn. Scarlett. Clothes. YAWN.

Tim Whitby/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
Movie hotness aside, I think your comparison of Harry Potter and Twilight is a little one-sided (which was your intention, I know). Stephanie Meyer's books are about sex and only sex. Sure, she added vamps and werewolves, but the message is "Don't have sex till you're married, it's bad, but then it's wonderful." The HP books are about growing up and dealing with all the problems associated, not just sex. And J. K. Rowling doesn't paint a fake, happily ever after picture of the world either.
—Cathy

Dear Wrong Reasoning:
I don't care what the movies are about or the talent involved—all I care is how smoldering the actors are on the carpet. And the Twilight cast wins, hands down.

Dear Ted:
Sarah Palin seemed like she was going to break into a hysterical screaming fit throughout most of that bizarre press conference. Is the real reason she is resigning because there is some awful scandal about her looming on the horizon about to come out? I truly hope so, I cannot stand that woman or her politics.
—Leighanne

Dear Palin Problems:
Anything Sar's got hidden away couldn't be more embarrassing than what we already know about her. Then again…

Dear Ted:
Why doesn't Jennifer Aniston hook up with Mathew Perry? They were "Friends" and both are single. Thoughts?
—awalker

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Dear Ted:
After seeing Brüno, I can understand why some people don't think it's funny, and why some think it may reinforce some of the prejudices held by the ignorant among us. However, my theory is that this type of humor is not for most people. I think that Sacha Baron Cohen = John Waters + Andy Kaufman. And really, that's not for everyone. Personally, I thought the movie was hilarious, and I am 10000 percent LGBT friendly. Saw it with a gaggle of my gays and they loved it, too. Then again, we love Waters and Kaufman. Hope you are smoking less these days and healing from your loss.
—Anna in Texas

Dear Different Strokes:
Maybe SBC's third film will please both of us? If his mockumentary schtick isn't stale by then. Cohen just may be too famous at this point to go undercover, too!

Dear Ted:
I was very moved by what Brooke Shields said about M.J. The two obviously had a beautiful friendship, and her words seemed far warmer and more sincere than many "tributes" I've heard. Maybe she should be the one to raise his kids—she seems more genuine than most of the people up for the job.
—picklefeet

Dear BFF With Brooke:
Brooke's got her own kids to worry about—plus, as many forget, they hadn't seen each other since the '90s. That said, she prolly would be the best parent for the job in this whole mess. Tragic.

Dear Ted:
Like everyone else, I have jumped on the Twilight bandwagon and have recruited many of my friends and family as well. Needless to say, I am a huge Robsten fan! Anyway, I believe they are together and wonder what it would take for them to admit it? What do you think? I am dying to know for sure, but on the same hand I wish for them their privacy. I'm sure a lot of fun comes with their rapid fame and fortune, but as we have seen with some of our favorite celebrities, it's not all it's cracked up to be.
—Amy

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Martin Schoeller/EW

Dear Ted: 
Just saw The Proposal and never realized how hot Ryan Reynolds was. It got me wondering if he has ever been a Blind Vice? Any skeletons in his closet?
—Kathy 

Dear Good Taste:
Tons! Stick to these sticky pages for more soon! 

Dear Ted:
What do you have against Alexander Skarsgård? Do you know something we don't? Personally, I love him!
—blue22 

Dear Misread:
Absolutely nothing! Love True Blood; love sexy A.S. Just dig Stephen Moyer and Ryan Kwanten a bit more if you can believe. 

Dear Ted: 
Is Michael Jackson's mother still married to his dad? If she gets custody of his kids, will he be around them?
—D 

Dear Michael Part 2:
Married they are. Maybe that's why Diana Ross is M.J.'s No. 2, not his pops. 

Dear Ted: 
I absolutely love your column! Though I still don't understand the Robsten obsession (sorry but that mopey, pasty, I-don't-shower-every-day look turns me off from paying any attention to those kids). Anyway, keep up the awesome job. Question: Has James Franco ever been a Blind Vice? I hesitate to write which Blind Vice subject I think he might be because I don't think I ever really want to find out any of the Blind Vices—it's so much fun to keep guessing! Thanks for keeping a smile on my face at work.
—Sarah

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Kitson

Dear Ted:
Love your column, but I'm really disappointed in your attitude toward Adam Lambert. Not proud? His own mother has said she had to sign a contract with Idol saying she wouldn't discuss his sexuality. Don't you think Adam had to sign one, too? He's done everything he can to be true to himself but say the words—so much more than any other gay Idol contestant. And he's not proud? Just because he's obeying a legally binding contract until the very moment he doesn't have to any more? Very harsh, Ted—and a bit surprising coming from you. Still got lots of love for you, though!
—Petcleric

Dear 'Tude Check:
I don't think Idol has inked specifically when he's allowed to come out. If they have, shame on them. And shame on Adam for signing it. And I'm not pressuring the guy, just sayin' I don't think he's waving the homo flag loud and proud right now, that's all.

Dear Ted:
So Robsten's definitely out...Cred goes to you for getting the scoop first (you are so much better than stupid x17!) My question is, do you really think Robsten has staying power? Will they live happily ever after, or do you think the stress of Summit will just cause them to fizzle out that much faster?
—Kris

Dear Good Question:
I think very few people want to plan their future together at 19 and 23. I think Robsten should go with the natural flow, and it could carry them for a while. And that's exactly what they're doing. Yummay!

Dear Ted:
Brangelina officially breaks up, Toothy Tile comes out of the closet and Robsten decides to make the relationship public in the same day or news cycle. Which grabs the headlines first and for the longest? Which would you cover first? In regard to Robsten, it disappoints me. I wanted Rob to hook up with someone like Emma Watson, so they could be this über-cool British couple that just kicks ass.
—Alexandra

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Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for The Michael J Fox Foundation

It was a total nonshocker at The Proposal premiere at the El Capitan Theatre that (a) star Ryan Reynolds was looking as mouthwatering as ever and (b) that his missus would be nowhere around.

Ry and Scarlett have been married nine months and still have yet to be seen together at any official H'wood shindig. TomKat these two are not.

Unlike ScarJo, Sandra Bullock's hubby, Jesse James, was there to support, even if he quietly sneaked into the theater early so his wifey could steal the spotlight and sign autographs for fans. S.B. was even handed over somebody's baby for a photo op! (No, it wasn't any of the Plus 8 bunch, so don't come crawling here for your Jon & Kate drama.)

While Sandy was posing with babies, one fan totally proposed to Ryan, handing him a Ring Pop and popping the question! And how did R2 respond?

You won't believe it!

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Dear Ted:
Am I the only one creeped out by photos (clearly arranged, because how many paps hang out in the remote corners of southern Italy?) of Jake and Reese engaging in a PDA while Jake's mother and a personal assistant look on approvingly? What is up with that?
—A concerned Texan

Dear Creepy Couple:
Maybe the fam is just happy Jake found such a sweet gal like Reese! Plus, wherever Gyllenspoon goes, paps follow, whether they're invited or not. (We bet Maggie and Peter sure didn't want 'em around on their wedding day.)

Dear Ted:
I must be missing something here. Why would Summit be so opposed to a Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart romance? Most of the fans would love it, so if anything, I'd believe Summit would encourage the rumors. Do they think that if the dating relationship goes kaput, the chemistry up there on the screen will, too? P.S. I like "Krisbert" better than "Robsten."
—Summertime

Dear Krisberter:
Worked for Mr. and Mrs. Smith, right? Except in that case, Pitt was already a married dude. It certainly helps keeping R.P. as single as possible (and theoretically attainable) to keep his fans drooling over him. And Mormon God forbid Rob and Kristen publicly get together and publicly break up...that ruins the whole facade of their so-in-love characters, Edward and Bella.

Dear Ted:
Five words: MTV Movie Awards, Best Kiss. Are Robsten a shoo-in win? Don't the winners have to kiss on stage? Or will New Moon filming get in the way?
—Urmy

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Jeff Vespa/Getty Images

Wolverine was a huge success, regardless of its mixed reviews, so like all things in T-town, you keep pimping out one idea until there's simply nothing left. Hugh Jackman's solo Origin's flick was already an offshoot itself, so now it's time for a spinoff of the spinoff, if you all are following.

Ryan Reynolds has already scored the next movie, and Fox has 87 million reasons to ride this X-Men franchise out.

So what's next? Another rip-, I mean spinoff, obviously. We're getting dizzy thinking about it. And the front-runner for the next flick is...

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Hugh really is jacked, man. We told ya yesterday there are some close buds of H.J.'s who are simply in awe of how Jackman got so buff so fast for this Wolverine flick. Not exactly your average fortysomething male.

Even fellow sex-stud Ryan Reynolds said "fear and loathing of Hugh" is what got him whipped into shape fast. Not that presh wife-unit of yours?

"I don't know what kind of shape that is. It's a new classification. I think it's called terrifying shape," ScarJo's hubby told E! News. Speaking of, why is the wife-unit never around? It's so not fun—it makes us long for TomKat or Brangelina premieres.

Check out the video above to see Hugh, Ryan and all their adorableness. It's yumtastic. Think Liev Schreiber is jealous of his luscious costars at all? L.S. used to be a stud, but now we're wondering if we should've put him on our tubby gallery instead.

Scott Gries/Getty Images

Ryan Reynolds obviously doesn't know how hot he is. Otherwise, he wouldn't be wasting his time writing seal-defending articles for the Huffington Post. Forget the friggin' seals, already, Ry, and talk about ScarJo! Huffington's totally into dirt, too, not just politics, that's why we heart them so.

How is it you've been married months and we haven't heard a peep out of ya? We know you and your wifey are über-private, but you're acting like you've never even met with all this hush-hush biz. For ince, we know you and Scarlet are totally into...

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AP Photo/Chris Carlson

Dear Ted:
Is it just me, or was something off about Jennifer Aniston at the Oscars? Her eyes looked very small and kinda red and puffy. Either a) she was stoned; b) she had been crying a lot beforehand; or c) she was wearing too much eyeliner. I hope it was c) too much eyeliner. I really feel for Jen, and I think it was gutsy for her to be a presenter when both Brad and Angelina were nominees. And, yes, I think she can act—remember The Good Girl? I hope she gets some more good roles like that where she can show her stuff.
—Gretchen, Chicago

Dear Neurotic or Nervous:
Let’s just say I’m assured it was no coincidence Brangelina was seated in eyeline view. They wanted ratings, remember? And people think it was all Hugh… 

Dear Ted:
Do you think Gillian's visit to L.A. has something to do with the continuity of the story of "Mulder and Scully"?
— The truth is out there

Dear Gillovney Addict:
I thought Mulder was being a good boy now? You mean he isn’t?

Dear Ted:
There's never an excuse to abuse a woman! It doesn't matter that she was annoying him or being controlling…it was painful to watch you act as though he had a good reason to beat her. It actually makes you look bad. I'm sure you're a nice guy, but you might want to think a little before you speak about sensitive subjects like these.
— Superelana 

Dear Mistread:
So sorry, hon, if that’s how it came across on Truth, Lies & Ted. I assure you, in no way was I justifying what happened to sweet RiRi. Just tellin’ ya they had a bad relaysh before it all went down.

Dear Ted:
This is the first time I'm writing to you, and it's because I think I have guessed who Judas Jack-Off is. All clues point to the Canadian actor Ryan Reynolds, and he is one hunk who makes my gaydar go haywire, in spite of his marriage to ScarJo in 2008, hint hint. I know you won't tell me or anybody else who it actually is, but I so wish there was a way to find out whether I'm right or not.
— Your biggest Sri Lankan fan, Ness

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FAME PICTURES

Dear Ted:
I'm a 15 year old girl, and we don't all love Miley Cyrus/HSM/Twilight/Jonas Hoes (just thought I'd put it out there). I love you, though, and I think you're hot. If I was a guy, I would be all over you!
—Peace in Your Hair Grease

Dear Miley Jr.:
Dang girl, you sure are talking like little M. Thanks much, though, from me and my coif.

Dear Ted:
I saw some recent pictures of Reese Witherspoon, and it looked like she may be preggers in a couple of them. What do you think? Any chance she is going for No. 3? Is this why Jake and Reese seem so happy out and about lately, along with trips to the doctor's office? What's your take?
—Me Curious

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