RIV/Fame Pictures

When Miley Cyrus' infamous slant-eyed photo leaked online, we knew there was going to be trouble. When a Los Angeles woman filed a class-action suit against the Disney star on behalf of her Asian brothers and sisters, we knew it was going to be a lengthy battle. But when it turned out she was seeking roughly $4 billion—yes, billion—in damages from the teen, we knew what outcome was inevitable.

In a win for common sense everywhere, an L.A. judge today threw out Lucie Kim's lawsuit, saying that while the photo may have been offensive, it didn't break any state laws.

Especially not the one Kim claimed it did.

In her complaint, Kim accused Cyrus of violating a statute that prohibits businesses from discriminating against minorities, specifically in terms of offering equal access to public accommodations.

And while Miley's clearly a budding empire, she's not, strictly speaking, a business. Or, so far as we know, offering shelter.

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INFphoto.com

All was quiet on the Gosselin front—for a few days, anyway—but not anymore. And you have Kate Major to thank.

The tabloid reporter turned comically contracted personal assistant/romantic interest of Jon Gosselin is ready to launch a battle royale against the reality douche dad.

"One day this nightmare will hopefully end," she tweeted today. "If he would have told the TRUTH we wouldnt be in this position…."

You don't have to strain too hard to figure out the "he" to whom she's referring.

Major has already lawyered up in advance of a potential lawsuit, which, per RadarOnline, will include claims of breach-of-contract, fraud and loss of wages.

She claims that Gosselin apparently failed to make good on the hand-scrawled, half-baked terms of their contract, which promised Major a salary commensurate to her Star paycheck and "a percentage of accounts for payment based upon involvement."

Hey, Jon, ever feel like your best just isn't good enough?

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Ever wonder why Jon just can't keep his mouth shut? You're in luck, cause so did Answer Bitch and she somehow got to the bottom of his bottomless trap.

Universal

Couples Retreat featured four couples trying to fix their relationships on a tropical island, right?

Then how come posters for the film's release in the U.K. only show Vince Vaughn, Malin Ackerman, Jon Favreau, Kristin Davis, Jason Bateman and Kristen Bell? Where are Faison Love and Kali Hawk?

Needless to say, the omission of the black pair in the British advertisements has many shouting racism.

A rep for Universal, the studio behind the film that took in $102 million in the U.S. alone, told The Daily Mail that the poster had been "simplified" for international markets and the studio "regretted causing offense."

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Our reviewers gave Couples Retreat a C-. See what other films made the grade in our special Movies section!

Flynet

We've always known there was something different about Daniel Radcliffe, but is it his alter ego, Harry Potter, or something a bit more mortally magical?

The 20-year-old actor was featured on today's front page of Britain's Daily Mirror with a certain type of wand the tab is calling a "spliff." He's described as a party boy, laughing as a friend draws a fake mustache across his face.

Needless to say, the star's rep insists the star was not practicing for his O.W.L. in herbology.

"We categorically deny the allegations regarding Daniel Radcliffe published in today's Daily Mirror," the rep tells People. "Daniel does smoke the occasional roll-up cigarette, but he was not doing anything more than this. We are considering our position and will be taking all necessary action in relation to such allegations."

Of course, this isn't the first instance of a Potter pothead. Costar Jamie Wylett was busted earlier this year for growing cannabis in his mother's home.

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Wonder what other stars go Up in Smoke from time to time? Here ya go!

John Shearer/Getty Images

Today is all about the newsmakers who won't go away: Carrie Prejean, Balloon Brood, the Burglary Bunch, Twitter hackers and, of course, Jon Gosselin.

Now it's that stripper who claims to have slept with Josh Duhamel's turn. Despite his continuous denials, Nicole Forrester is still talking about their alleged rendezvous. This time, she's using some of her remaining 15 minutes apologizing to the hottie's supposedly scorned wife, Fergie.

"I thought, 'Nobody's gonna find out. It's not gonna hurt anybody,' " Forrester tells Extra. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't think of it at the time like I think of it now."

Her sincerity becomes questionable when she insists she's not a homewrecker.

"She's standing by her man, so obviously I'm not wrecking the home too bad, huh?" she says.

Despite her kids calling her "disgusting" and many betting against her, Forrester can't stop talking about her time with the former Transformers star. When the story first broke last week, the stripper claimed she and the actor had a "really, really good time." Now she's singin' a different tune.

"As far as the best sex? No, I don't think that was it," she says.

She also claims Duhamel is still sending her text messages—how's that for an apology?

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Is Fergamel headed for Splitsville? It seems like just a few months ago that we added them to the 2009 Celebrity Weddings gallery!

ABC

Our long national nightmare punchline is over. Nearly.

Balloon Boy hoaxsters Richard and Mayumi Heene have agreed to plead guilty to charges stemming from the Oct. 15 nation-mesmerizing incident in exchange for probation but no jail time or, in her case, deportation.

Richard will plead guilty to felony attempting to influence a public servant, while Mayumi, who already confessed and who could have been shipped back to her native Japan should she be convicted of a felony, will cop to misdemeanor false reporting to authorities.

Richard's lawyer, David Lane, dropped the bombshell in a statement this morning. He says the couple won't formally enter their guilt until tomorrow morning. It's unclear how long the probation will last or what other terms may accompany the sentence, though Lane credited the family's desire to stay together with the duo agreeing to fess up to the charges.

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Carrie Prejean is pretty, but she sure is testy.

Larry King got the fallen beauty queen so fired up on CNN's Larry King Live last night, she walked out on the show.

Prejean is in the middle of a publicity bonanza hawking her new book, Still Standing, detailing her clash with Donald Trump, Shanna Moakler and the rest of the Miss California organization.

After she showed off the tome and talked about her love for Sarah Palin—she considers herself "Palinized"—King began to ask about Prejean's recent settlement with the pageant organizers. She continued to spout her party line...that is, until she called King inappropriate and ripped off her microphone.

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Jamie McCarthey/WireImage.com

Count Dina Lohan among those sickened by this type of behavior.

While Michael Lohan continues his near daily release of embarrassing and hitherto private phone call recordings in a misguided, press-hungry bid to shame his daughter into recovery, Lindsay Lohan's mother is finally speaking out about his despicable tactics.

"The tapes were from a long time ago and for a father to stoop this low is unforgivable," she tells E! News, before imploring people to consider the source.

"My ex-husband has been in and out of jail for 10 years. My children and I gave him a chance to get to know them again and he clearly blew that chance!"

We'll say. And while Dina, along with Lindsay and Lindsay's former assistant, are among those threatening legal action against Michael for his leaky ways, she also says that he should never have had the opportunity—or the access—to record phone calls like the one involving Heath Ledger in the first place.

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Albert L. Ortega/WireImage.com, Jim Spellman/WireImage.com

Maybe Michael Lohan should have been held more as a child. But whatever the reason behind his, um, unique brand of parenting, Daddy Dearest is at again, releasing the latest selection from his greatest-hits collection of phone tapes—and it's a doozy.

Today's leaked recording (with his side of the conversation is carefully edited out) features ex-wife Dina Lohan revealing that Lindsay Lohan was involved with Heath Ledger at the time of his drug-fueled death, and concerns their daughter might befall a similar fate.

"Right now by starting to drink vodka and s--t again, it's not the right direction," Dina says in the tapes obtained by Radar Online. "Because when she's drunk or takes an Adderall with it, she will do something like Heath Ledger did in a second without thinking.

"And she was dating Heath when he died. I don't know if you know that, but I know cause I would drop her off and they were friends. Very, very close, OK?"

Well, if anyone can speak on the validity of a secret relationship, it's a glorified taxi driver.

"So that f--ked her up. And right after that is when Samantha [Ronson] was around."

And make no mistake, Dina doesn't hold back on Lindsay's on-off paramour, either, saying the Ronson family "had some f--ked up s--t, too."

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Fox News isn't usually a celeb's go-to place to discuss her too-graphic-for-TheDirty.com sex tape.

But Carrie Prejean has a big ol' fan in Sean Hannity, so why not?

Calling it the "biggest mistake" of her life, the deposed beauty queen tried to set the record straight about a video she says she shot of herself and sent to a boyfriend when she was a teenager.

"All by myself, I was sending a boyfriend at the time, who I loved and cared about, a video of me," she said tonight on Hannity.

"Never did I think it would ever come out. But it was bad judgment. It's embarrassing. It's humiliating to be talking about this on national TV, if you can imagine. "

And do you know what Hannity, who wrote the forward for Prejean's memoir, Still Standing, said?

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Virginia Sherwood/NBC; John Paul Filo/CBS

What took so long?

After taking a shot at the Gosselins, the Law & Order brain trust has now set its sights on a certain late-night dog, plotting a ripped-from-the-headlines scenario based on David Letterman's personal life.

The casting call has just gone out for the episode, which per The Wrap, will revolve around a "well-known celebrity talk-show host, married with children," who has engaged in "a series of short-lived affairs with some of the employees on the show and up until now has managed to keep them off the radar."

Until, that is, the host is approached by an email- and photo-equipped blackmailer who demands $3 million in hush money.

Sounds familiar enough. But it wouldn't be Law & Order without a twist, and this one's a doozy…

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Rihanna may have had it rough, but, unfortunately, hers is not the only abuse story on the docket this week.

Mariah Carey appeared on Larry King Live last night and admitted she's faced her own difficult relationships. "Abuse has several categories," she tells the host when he asks if she's ever been in a situation similar to Rihanna's. "[I've been abused] Emotionally, mentally."

Not unlike the battered pop star, Carey says the hardest part was breaking free from ex-husband Tommy Mottola (whom she doesn't mention by name but very clearly alludes to).

"It's scary," she admits. "I just think you get into a situation and you feel locked in…For me, to really get out, it was difficult because there was connection that was not only a marriage, but a business thing where the person was in control of my life."

When asked for her thoughts on Rihanna's struggles, she reacts the way many of us have.

"Yikes," she says calmly, later adding, "I can't imagine what she went through."

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Too much serious! Time for Silly Celebs' Goofy Grins!