Comedy Central / Martin Cook

Tip of the hat to Stephen Colbert.

Despite the tragic number of Canadians he'll be forced to deal with, the funnyman announced Monday that his show will become the primary sponsor of the U.S. speedskating team at the 2010 Olympic Games in Vancouver.

The Colbert Report is stepping up in light of the recent stepping down of DSB Bank NV, which is normally the team's largest source of cash flow but was forced to declare bankruptcy last month.

"I shaved my entire body so I was more aerodynamic for my report on speed skating," Colbert wrote on Twitter this evening.

The team's uniforms will be emblazoned with "Colbert Nation," and the Fauxpublican talk show host is asking his fans—the very ones who helped him get a treadmill on the International Space Station named after him—to donate funs via www.colbertnation.com and www.usspeedskating.org.

"My character sees the Olympics as war, but nobody gets hurt," Colbert told the AP before tonight's episode. "It's a way to peacefully figure out who has got the top country... [The process] still tragically involves a lot of Canadians. It's kind of unseemly how many Canadians I'm going to have to be dealing with." 

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What's better than constant LOLing? A frightfest, you say? Like the one in our Famous Festive Fiends gallery?

Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images, CBS Photo Archive/Getty Images

Forget Nation. It's a Colbert Universe now and we just live in it.

After docking at the International Space Station Sunday night, astronauts on the Space Shuttle Discovery have unloaded that long-awaited treadmill NASA named after Stephen Colbert.

Dubbed C.O.L.B.E.R.T., the exercise machine, in typical space agency parlance, stands for Combined Operational Load Bearing External Resistance Treadmill. Its mission: to enable residents of the ISS to get a good workout as they go about their business of conducting science experiments in orbit.

Finally, a payload as big as his ego!

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Amid all the tragedy last Thursday with Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett dying, rumors were flying that a third horrible death had struck Hollywood: Jeff Goldblum.

Websites claimed that the star was in New Zealand filming a movie and fell off a cliff. In fact, the actor was alive in Los Angeles.

Still, in an age of Twitter, news travels fast and sources are not always correct.

Stephen Colbert (jokingly) fell victim to the Goldblum prank and, even when the Jurassic Park star appeared on The Colbert Report to dispel the rumor, the comic didn't believe him. That is, until Goldblum sent a message through the microblogging site.

"The dead can Twitter," Colbert pronounced. Later, he says, "I, for one don't think I could put into words the magnitude of this loss."

Then Goldblum asked to give it a shot.

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George W. Bush: Great surprise guest, or greatest surprise guest?

The former commander-in-chief and longtime hero to Stephen Colbert (or at least his blowheard alter ego) appeared on last night's Colbert Report to deliver a message of support to the troops while managing to expertly avoid any use of the words "mission" or "accomplished."

"Laura and I send our greetings to our servicemen and women," Bush said in his pretaped message. "Your achievements in Iraq have earned you a special place in American history.

"You are men and women of great courage and endurance, and that's gonna come in handy. I've sat through some of Stephen's stuff before."

"I've gotta say, I miss that guy," the newly-shorn Colbert said after the video message—which, for the record, garnered less rapturous applause than that of the week's other surprise presidential shout-out.

Last night's episode was the final show to be taped from Baghdad's Camp Victory as part of Colbert's weeklong U.S.O. tour.

Making his way to Iraq unscathed wasn't the only close shave to befall Stephen Colbert.

The Colbert Report pundit, decked out in the finest camouflage suit Baghdad has to offer, made a sacrifice of his own last night, allowing the region's top commander of U.S. forces Gen. Ray Odierno—under video order from President Barack Obama—to shave off Mr. Truthiness's meticulously groomed  coif to more fully fit in with the troops.

"I say if Stephen Colbert wants to play soldier, it's time to cut that man's hair," Obama declared. "I hereby order you to shave that man's head!"

Mission most definitely accomplished. See Colbert's new look after the jump.

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Nation, it's officially go time.

Stephen Colbert has at long last been deployed to the Persian Gulf to embark on a weeklong USO tour dubbed "Operation Iraqi Stephen: Going Commando."

Beginning Monday, the Comedy Central pundit will be broadcasting a week's worth of Colbert Report's in front of roughly 450 U.S. troops, marking the first time in USO history a TV show has been produced in a combat zone.

"The USO counts this as military service, right? I might want to run for office some day," said Colbert, who arrived at Baghdad's Camp Victory this morning.

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NASA via Getty Images, Simitrios Kambouris/ Getty Images

A tip of the hat to Stephen Colbert's mighty effort. A wag of the finger to NASA's refusal to give the funnyman his due.

But though NASA's powers that be have refused to name a node (aka a room) on the international space station after the Colbert Report host, the government agency said Monday that they are naming a high-tech treadmill after the Emmy winner instead.

The Combined Operational Load Bearing External Resistance Treadmill (COLBERT) will be operational starting in August, and will then be used to keep our on-duty astronauts in tip-top shape for years to come.

Meanwhile, Node 3 will be called Tranquility, despite Colbert's overwhelming success as a write-in candidate to have the room named after him.

Could NASA still be nursing a grudge because "Colbert" originally beat out sanctioned names like "Serenity," "Legacy," "Earthrise" and "Venture"?

"We don't typically name U.S. space station hardware after living people and this is no exception," NASA's Bill Gerstenmaier said cryptically. "We have invited Stephen to Florida for the launch of COLBERT and to Houston to try out a version of the treadmill that astronauts train on."

Photo/Dmitry Lovetsky, Dimitrios Kambouris/ Getty Images

And Houston thought it had a problem before.

Proving there's no challenge the Colbert Nation won't rise to, particularly when ordered to do so by its fearless leader, Stephen Colbert has succeeded in his bid to get a new room on NASA's international space station named in his ever-humbled honor.

The most trusted name in fake news embarked on his naming campaign earlier this year after discovering that NASA had—foolishly, it turns out—allowed the public to decide on the room's name through an online poll, giving them four officially sanctioned suggestions with the added option of writing in votes.

When voting on the room, referred to for now as Node 3, ended last week, "Colbert" was by far the top vote-getter, beating its nearest competition, the NASA-approved "Serenity," by more than 40,000 votes. All told, the name raked in 230,539 votes.

However, while the cable-subscribing people may have spoken, NASA does have the final say over the space place. While the government agency said it will take the people's choice into serious consideration, it wisely reserved the right to the ultimate decision in the naming process.

So much for truthiness in advertising.

Houston, you have a problem. And his name is Stephen Colbert.

The Colbert Report's titular faux blowhard is looking to do for a new room on the international space station what he's already managed on a Hungarian bridge, a San Francisco Zoo-born eagle, a hockey team mascot, a species of trapdoor spider and a Ben & Jerry's ice cream flavor—get it named after him.

Time will tell if his ego is allowed to boldly go where no one's has gone before.

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