The Awful Truth

Jon Didier/AMPAS; Jean-Paul Aussenard/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
The whole Megan Fox hooking up with Robert Pattinson post was really hot, not going to lie. I mean what's wrong with the others? Some people seem to hate the idea, but it's pretty sexy. Both Megan and Robert are the hottest stars. Megan Fox recently said some pretty nice stuff about Rob at the Transformers premiere. I think these two should definitely hook up. They would make the hottest babies ever. Nay or yay?
—Tricia

Dear Foxbert:
I don't question how gorge their offspring would be. Move over Shiloh. But I do question the compatibility there for sure. Onetime one-night stand—maybe. Threat to Robsten? Def not.

Dear Ted:
Wow, Rolling Stone just displayed a hot Adam Lambert on the front cover, admitting his sexuality in the interview. I give him mega props because he isn't trying to do anything more than make it in the music business. He doesn't need to announce anything. He's not trying to be a poster child for anything or spokesman for any group. He still knows what it's like to be a real person. Too bad there aren't more folks sticking to their right to privacy and being humble instead of caving to media pressure (or courting it) for dinero's sake. I admire his style.
—Robbin

Dear Rolled Out:
Very much agree on those sentiments. But there is def a balance of hiding (à la pre-Adam) and flaunting (Speidi). Now that A's spoken his peace, I of course wish him a lifetime of gay bliss.

Dear Ted:
We love that you are in the know big time about Robsten. I feel confident in that, and I understand that this is a gossip column and what all that entails. But we faithful followers are watching you screw facts up, and that is causing you to imply Rob hooked up with M after he and K came to terms in Japan. Japan was right before the R and M hotel meeting that took place in early March. So you are really implying R still hooked up with M while he was working hard on his relaysh with K? So can you somehow backpedal and get the real scoop on R and M? Because all the Robsten followers know M.A. wasn't in the reality picture in March. He was in the staged paps pictures after that, but as you have been saying he has been a beard for how long?
—J.D.

Dear Timing's Everything:
The exact night the hookup went down is suspect. Just know Meg was supposedly blabbing to our on-the-set source around Japan time, and by then it had already happened.

Dear Ted:
Love your summer Robsten posts, but I'm nervous about the National Enquirer report that Kristen said she and Rob are just good friends. Please tell us this is not true and that Robsten is still very much on and that they are "taking it to the next level."
—Robsten Believer

Dear Check Your Source:
National Enquirer? Really? How Billy Burke of them. Write when you've got some real news!

Dear Ted:
Is Toothy Tile Jared Padalecki? Long hair, great smile, legs that go all the way up to a killer ass?
—I.M.

Dear Not Toothy Enough:
Killer ass, yes, but he doesn't have as good of a deceiving smile as our boy T.T.

Dear Ted:
It's rude and disrespectful to refer to a group of women as sluts. I can think of a few homophobic terms that I bet you wouldn't like to hear people use to harshly describe you and your gay friends at a bar. Why the misogyny? Should we start calling you Mel?
—MMDurette

Dear Oops:
I never said all women were sluts, silly! But if the dress fits? Or I mean falls off...

Dear Ted:
I love entertainment news and gossip. The thing is, this isn't Gossip Girl, and these aren't fictional characters. Celebrity gossip can be relayed without the bitchiness and intentional misconstruing of a celebrity's words. "Twilight cast bashes previous director Catherine Hardwicke." Uncool and you know not true. Please keep doing what you are doing, but do so with a little more class and integrity.
—Macrosm

Dear Misread:
Perhaps bash was harsh, perhaps not. But did you not think that was totally passive-aggressive toward Ms. Hardwicke and her work on Twilight? The gal does know the ins and outs of the cast, after all.

Dear Ted:
I just wanted to comment on the post that you are writing too much about Robsten. I completely disagree. I must admit I am addicted to hearing the latest with Kristen and Rob. I need to log on every day to get my daily fix. Keep it coming.
—Tammi

Dear Top of the Trend:
They are the news of the mome.

Dear Ted:
I've never gotten the appeal of Hugh Jackman. His head is far too small for his shoulders. It makes him look completely disproportionate and downright weird. (I know this is the case for other actors, too—but their names are not coming to me at the moment—it's been a very long workday.) When are we going to start nitpicking on men who beef up too much for their heads to handle? We spent ages talking about women whose bodies were too small for their heads! I hope you're keeping well.
—Lucy in Dublin

Dear Stud Overdose:
You aren't the only one questioning those muscles.

Dear Ted:
I always thought "never play gay characters" was one of the top rules for closeted actors. And yet, both Toothy and No-Beave Steve have openly gay roles in their résumés. Are the rules changing? Please explain!
—Dazed & Confused

Dear Exception Becomes the Rule:
So, in turn, by taking those roles they must be straight! Or so they think others will see it that way.

Dear Ted:
You rock. Keep doin' what you're doin' 'cause it's marvelous! Lots of love from a 32-year-old North Cali girl who loves all things Robsten and everything else you do. PS, been a while since I was on Twitter—how's Butch?
—Rebecca

Dear NorCal Gal:
Better, not great, but better. Thanks for asking.

Dear Ted:
I'd like to believe your tales of Robsten, but if it's true, why doesn't K.S. break up with Michael Angarano already? It sounds like she's leading two guys on, which you'd think her people (if she bothers to have any) wouldn't be happy with. Also, where is her former BFF Nikki Reed?
—MF28

Dear Look Around:
What makes you think she hasn't already? Both Nik and M are suddenly MIA, doncha think?