Do-Me Meter: The Gospel According to Speidi
RADCLIFFE/bauergriffin.com
When Speidi shouts "I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!" who answers? Definitely not Jesus. Now that Heidi thinks she's found religion, hubby Spencer is getting in touch with his inner messiah and sporting the "cool Christian" look, clearly.
We say no thanks to the bearded lady thing (I'm still talking about Spencer here)—his Jesus scruff is less reminiscent of biblical times than it is of, say, Justin Timberlake circa "Dick in a Box" in a community production of Jesus Christ Superstar. With the in-your-face cross dangling around his neck, it's pop meets prophet—but both are turning us off. The Most Awful Celeb in Hollywood's attempts to flaunt his spiritualism via materialism (spirituaterialism?) make us realize that the only thing we want Spencer to do is confess his sins for going out in public looking like that.
Meanwhile, Heidi looks just as lost and confused as ever, which is what you get when you try to become a devout diva but your bad publicity won't let you. Biggie shades don't help the bewildered look, and turning to religion—where the real awful truth is—certainly isn't going to dumb down the world for Heidi any better.
What's next for Speidi, a guest spot on The 700 Club?
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