Bitch-Back! What's Gonna Happen to Lindsay Lohan?

Readers don’t pity Lindsay and her crazy antics

Dear Ted:
I don't like Michael Lohan by any means, but what do you honestly think about the steps he's taking to try to get Lindsay help? For once, I actually believe he's trying to do the right thing here, since she is in such bad shape. In this instance I am giving him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he's going about it wrong, but he's the only person doing anything at this point. Thoughts?
—Becky

Dear All the Wrong Reasons:
Lindsay needs help. Badly. But his intentions just look supershady when he "helps her" then turns around and blabs to the press and paparazzi about it. Actions speak louder than obnoxious words. He should get her help and shut the hell up about his reasons for it. We all know LiLo is a wreck.

Dear Ted:
Don't get me wrong, I think David Slade is the man, and the second trailer for Eclipse does excite, but does anyone else notice this is somehow becoming the Riley show? Why is Summit so smitten to push his story line down our throats? You know, like they pushed poor Taylor/Jacob during the New Moon promo. Are we going to see Rob, Kristen, Taylor and Riley as the centerpiece of the promotional tour? Because if so, that is a bit weird and Twi-hards might just lose whatever patience they have left with Summit.
—Monica

Dear Fresh Blood:
I personally have zero problem seeing more of that sexy Aussie Xavier Samuel. As much as I totally heart Rob, Kristen and (sometimes) Taylor, I'm getting a tad Twi overloaded myself. The fresher the faces the better! Plus, that accent? No complaints here seeing more of Samuels.

Dear Ted:
In your most recent Bitch-Back, you wrote in reference to Brad Pitt, "He's not going anywhere until Angie says so." My question to you would then be is Brad aware that he might get the boot, and if he does, why does he stay with Angie? Is it because he loves her and wants to keep his family together or something else?
—M Smith

Dear Vagina Whipped:
Darling, Brad is head-over-heels entranced in Angie's spell. Not sure what she's cookin' up over there, but mystery diet or not, A.J. is the one in Brad's eyes. And of course, family is numero uno. Just think that Jolie will get sick of the mommy and hubby rut eventually.

Dear Ted:
Isn't Michael Douglas filthy rich? Why did his son have to deal drugs to survive?
—Marco

Dear More Money, More Problems:
It wasn't about rolling in the dough. Sure, having his own money may have been appealing, but when you go down that path, the reasons are hardly monetary.

Dear Ted:
Give us a few hints on the Megan Fox Blind Vice.
—Tyra

Dear Mess Up:
Have I said she's been one?

Dear Ted:
Your question was "Why can't K.Stew be the next Angelina?" My answer: Because she can't act for squat! She's not even close! Maybe one day she'll get better, but she'll never be as good as Angie. Even if you look at Angie's old films, she's amazing! I agree with Lauren. There is only one Angelina. Just like there is only one Marilyn Monroe and Audrey Hepburn. That's the kind of league Angelina's in.
–Ailish

Dear Girl Crushed:
Do I think Jolie is a fab actress? Yes. Do I think Kristen is a fab actress? Double yes. Kristen is only 19 years old; she's only going up from here. Cut her some slack!

Dear Ted:
Considering that Dashed Dingle-Dream is now free from the coward Judas Jack-Off and that Crescent Kumquat is actively looking for some stud to introduce him to the joys of gay sex, wouldn't these two lovely boys be great together? I'm sure they have a lot of things in common to start with...
—lola

Dear Matchmaker:
Why, yes, I think they do!

Dear Ted:
Sorry Ted, not buying the "poor Firecrotch" bit. So Lindsay's got crappy parents. People with idiot parents have issues for sure, but that's not an excuse to repeatedly engage in self-destructive behaviors. That's a whole other set of issues there. I believe Sam Ronson cares very much for Lindsay, but what good does that do? The problem with Linds, is Linds herself. She is a big girl now. She's been in and out of rehab how many times? No one can help her until she wants to help herself. Wouldn't you agree?
—Jeanne

Dear Iron Fist:
Absolutely, I don't think the fact she has crappy parents is an excuse for her behavior. It just makes it that much harder in getting help. She may be famous, but that girl has no one in her corner. Even her so-called friends now want something from her. I hope she can get her act together because the babe is talented and Hollywood loves a comeback. But I'm seriously doubting that'll happen anytime soon with the losers she surrounds herself with, parents included.

Dear Ted:
Like many young girls in the world, I am a confessed Twi-hard. But unlike most of them, I don't lust after Rob and Taylor, though I do love them both. My main guy is Jackson Rathbone. I don't think this has been asked, but I have only been reading you for a few months, but I'm wondering, is he on his way to becoming a B.V., if he isn't one already? He seems so down-to-earth and normal, so I don't see how he could be. I mean, the guy is touring with his band 100Monkeys and tends to stay out of the spotlight. Much like Johnny Depp, actor first, celebrity second. Anything you can tell me?
–M

Dear Good Taste:
I definitely admire the way Jackson handles himself. He hasn't starred in his own B.V.

Dear Ted:
You have mentioned before that a few of many gay stars have been in movies where their character is also gay. In these circumstances, do their same-sex love interests playing opposite them at the time know that they are gay?
—Bi-Curious

Dear Small Town Big Mouths:
For the most part, yes. Hollywood is much smaller than you'd think. Especially when you're in the inner circle.

Dear Ted:
Are you aware that you're worshiped by stay-at-home moms everywhere? Just thought you should know...I have a question for you: I've recently become enamored with Benjamin McKenzie. Besides being utterly adorable, he's clearly educated and well-spoken. Please tell me my new little fantasy crush doesn't have anything scandalous in his life. (I can already hear you saying now "Define scandalous.")
—Mel

Dear Me Too:
Do you realize I worship stay-at-home moms (and dads) everywhere? Raising two dogs and a cat on my own is hard work enough, but actually having to pull that with human beings? Jeez, my hat's off to anybody who tries! As to Benji, I think you've picked a good one. Not too much dirt I feel like I need to tell ya on the former O.C. boy. Then again he did date Mischa Barton for a while...so judge for yourself.

Dear Ted:
Is there an Ally McBeal effect going on with the Twilight girls. Look at Nikki in 2008 next to Kristen. Today, she's much thinner. Ashley has shrunk considerably as well since 2008 when you compare pics. Are these girls feeling the pressure to be Kristen Stewart tiny? Is the pressure coming from them, or the studio?
—K, Calabasas, Calif.

Dear Yes:
Except the Ally McBeal effect is everywhere in this friggin' town, not just in Twi-land.