The Awful Truth

Iron Man ain't the only superhero sittin' rich and pretty this week—Katie Holmes dazzles in New Yawk, while Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher live it up in Vegas, by way of Hell-Ay. Also, an off-the-wall Oscar winner shows her love of the ladies, proving way more supportive than a Vicky's Secret push-up, fer sure. I took a road trip to Vegas...OK, it was more like a jaunt over to Westwood for the What Happens in Vegas premiere. Fewer prostitutes and 24-hour tiger cages, but just as many shiny lights, fer sure. We were delighted to discover that Demi Moore's hub-unit, Ashton Kutcher, was 10 times more gorge in real life than in every ep of That '70s Show combined. Cut from magnificent marble, for reals. Sure, this is a 25-year-old female’s opinion, but a crush on the Kutch was never seriously considered. Never really had a thing for the prankster who popularized trucker hats. But now? Dude's a serious step-DILF—way to go, Dem. Get a move on baby making already...any kid you conceive won't be born with Bruce Willis' forehead this time around. Ash-babe’s always in high-concept comedies, but the funny doesn’t come naturally. When it's time to churn out the chuckles, A.K. says, “I don’t have the slightest idea. I turn to [Vegas costar and comedian] Rob Corddry and ask, ‘Is that funny?’ And then we move on.” Hear that, Robbie C? The movie’s humor rests on your shoulders—hope it’s as hilarious as the rest of your recent work. Kutchy doesn’t stop there with the costar compliments. Apparently everyone, from the cast to the crew to the studio, was all cheery 'n' chummy while filming the flick, “and I truly credit that to Cameron. She creates a work environment for everyone that is an honor to arrive to on a day-to-day basis.” Those are some sweet things to dish about Ms. Diaz...But we aren't sure how fond we are of this genuine, gentlemanly side of ya. Punk somebody, for cryin’ out loud! Is this the same dude who made Justin Timberlake cry on camera? Cam-babe knows a lot about making J.T. tear up, I bet... We immediately recognized Diablo Cody on the carpet, the most identifiable writer in H’wood (sorry Charlie Kaufman, we know you don’t look like Nicolas Cage, but that’s pretty much all we know about you). How could ya not? Gal’s got a bouncy Katie Holmes black bob and tons of tattoos proudly on display. Here’s a little-known factoid we found out: the pretty pinup girl on her arm covers up her ex’s name, proving yet again, kiddies, don’t use infatuation as an influence when ya ink. “This is superfun!” exclaimed Diabs. “My best friend [Dana Fox] wrote this movie. We’re supporting lady writers!” As a femme with a pen myself, I’m obvs fully on board the women's writing train. But is red carpet frolicking anywhere near as fabulous as winning your li'l golden man? Hardly. “It’s not anything you’d ever imagine. It’s really kind of surreal. Every time I see it, it looks like a toy...like a fake Oscar somebody gave me that says World’s Best Auntie.” Better check if your Academy Award is just a hunk of chocolate wrapped in gold foil, babe. Tho we doubt you’d mind if it was; D.C. doesn’t seem like the high-maintenance type to throw a tantrum—and her hamburger phone—at an assistant’s head when she’s angry. No mention of Sin City can be complete without Swingers star Vince Vaughn, who showed his paunchy puss at the premiere. V2 was draped in all black, but even that couldn’t camouflage the grown-out gut he was trying his darndest to suck in. The once lanky lad hasn’t aged well in the last decade, so it’s a good thing he pretty much paved his way as a comedy god, where beer bellies and an everyguy attractiveness is A-OK in T-town. We still love ya, Vaughny-boy, you can let it all hang out in front of us. Lord knows we don’t have a bikini bod like your ex Jennifer Aniston, which is the best thing she’s got goin’ for her nowadays. Got a burning Q you desperately need put out and can't wait for Casablanca to come back? Don't stop, drop and roll, email Becky and she'll do her best to answer all your angry letters and quippy comments.