The Awful Truth

People

Dear Ted:
AT is part of my early morning ritual, helping me start the day on a light (or juicy) note before diving into work. Johnny Depp as People's Sexiest is fine by me—he's certainly do-able and sexy—but what in the world has he done to his face? I swear I didn't even recognize him in that picture. What do you make of the recent changes to his face and do you think he can tell how strange he looks? I've got nothing against fillers and corrective treatments—if they're done right the results can be rejuvenating and natural-looking—but it seems like so many stars go overboard or get terrible work done. Why is that? You'd think a big star would be choosier and go to the best. Also, why would People choose such a terrible photo for the cover and why would his people approve that ugly mug shot? Thanks!
—Kitty

Dear Depp Be-Gone:
I think the front pic isn't all that bad; it's pretty hard to make Depp look ugly.

Dear Ted:
I have some questions regarding Bradley Cooper. I get the feeling that he is a colossal egomaniac. There are never pictures of him out with friends. Does he have famous friends, if so who are they? I don't think he is gay but there is something about his personality he is hiding from us, am I right?
—Emma 

Dear Hermit Crab:
Coop isn't showing his true self, that's for sure. Totally doable, as he may be.

Dear Ted:
I was wondering if you ever get threatened by publicists whenever you publish a Blind Vice or other items rendering a particular celebrity's image suspicious. Aren't you worried for your safety? I admire you for putting the truth out there, or at least the best you can.
—Big Fan

Dear Worry Wart:
You've got no idea babe! I'm more concerned about a backlash of Twilight fans than publicists, though. They're tough-ass mothers!

Dear Ted:
Ok, you've given us a list of 12 guys who are not Toothy Tile. How about a list of 12 guys who are not Nevis Devine? Love ya.
—Salrob 

Dear Trying Easy:
Nevis has a few more years to go until he reaches the legendary status of Toothy. I'll think about it, though Good idea.

Dear Ted:
I'm gonna bitch. I have read you forevah but you have to stop the jumping to the next page to continue reading a storyline. It truly is fubar and takes way too long to load. (and I usually never complain about a delayed load! lol) Love you, love the furbabies, mine's a rescued lab that has more love in his eyes than a queen has mirrors. (Scorpios are awesome, right Ted?)
—KikiTopaz

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Nino Munoz; Maxim Magazine

"I mean, a lot of it has to do with what's fun and exciting. But, I think I have the advantage of being a chameleon. I want to play every and any role—I don't want to be stuck in one place. It's important to reach out to every demographic." 

—New Moon's Ashley Greene, when we asked her how she picks and chooses what press to do. Like her Maxim cover, for example, rather than other teen-centric mags. Rob, Kristen, and Taylor probably don't get that much of a choice since the entire movies focus around them, but its clear Ash wants to be seen as not just a franchised chick. Don't ya think? 

Better question: Is it working?

Check out the New Moon Mag Covers gallery to see more with the whole cast!

Darlings, we were going to give you a New Moon Vice update, but for all of you who are so sick of vampires you could cry blood. We'll reward you by bringing back an oldie but yummy-goodie. 

Remember Crotch-Uh-Lastic? The hunky, rising, male star who would hire men to come back to his Hills pad, dress up in some swim trunks and get the naughty party started?

We can't believe it's almost been two years, but Crotch has officially risen, like a hunky hero out of burning celeb-saturated waters! Mr. Uh-Lastic has solidified himself as a respected Hollywood actor, which means it's time to be even more discreet 'bout his homolicious ways...

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ABC/Ron Tom

"Five."

—So reveals our inside Desperate Housewives source regarding the total number of deaths resulting from this season's cliffhanger plane catastrophe. We're told it's the result of two passengers on the small aircraft getting into an argument

They die, too, by the by, as do some darling, dear residents on the ground on Wisteria Lane. Gosh, think those might be Teri Hatcher and her crackhead dietician up there in that plane bitching away? Never know! And let's hope!

_________

See what other shows are up to in the Spoiler Stills: TV gallery.

Jason LaVeris/Getty Images; Lisa O'Connor/ZUMApress.com; DandG

While supporting fellow rock babe Mary Weiland during her book party (Fall to Pieces) at Book Soup in West Hollywood, Dave Navarro told me he's "Team Nobody," when I asked if he was on Edward or Jacob's bus.

"I'm an adult," sniffed Carmen Electra's tattooed and famously ab-licious ex, with more derision than I have for stars like Paris Hilton who buy dogs from puppy mills. 

Jeez, who does this dude think he is, Miley Cyrus, or something?

Why can't the Red Hot Chili Pepper-pot share the vampire love, already? I mean, he kinda looks like one, right? 

"Yeah, I started this look," insisted the bearded demi-dude all in black and multiple tatts.

"Gosh, Dave, you're not even into True Blood?," I asked. 

Suddenly, Navarro looked like I said he has the most unbeatable tummy muscles in the world:

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WENN.com

Dear Ted:
So Megan Fox is trying to go a different route with her image now because "women think she's a slut"? I'm sure her negative image has nothing to do with the fact that the persona she was projecting was so obviously just a calculated ploy to titillate men, like some cheesy sorority girl who makes out with other chicks to get more attention. Now she's trying to sell herself as a homebody? Please. I can understand wanting to keep some things personal, but here's a novel idea: Shut your trap! And stop doing the tacky pictures with the tongue out.
—Bbrey

Dear Foxless:
I don't think she's going as far as being a homebody, but the Fox-er has been less of a trotter lately, keeping more to herself...and guess what...that's OK! We still love her and want to see what media-persona she's going to push on us next. Of course, we fully reserve the right to barf all over it, if we so choose.

Dear Ted:
Now I am convinced you have something against Gerard Butler! You never answer any questions regarding him. Are you jealous of him? I just wanted to know if he has been the subject of any BV's since you last absolved him of any sins. November is a long ways from July! Has he any women(an)? Rumors? And don't say: Jen Maniston, Jess or Lindsay cuz we know those are all jokes. Anyone real?
—Deanna

Dear No Hatin':
GB is not the type to have a steady gal by his side. He wants to settle down about as much as John Mayer does. And please, why would I be jealous of him? He can't even pick up girls, and I don't want to. 

Dear Ted:
Ted, so are Taryn and Robert Pattinson dating on the side 'cause she made a comment she has seen him more than her family? Which I am hoping is not very much, as you do love your Robsten.
—Arabella

Dear Love Affair:
Don't worry, Taryn and Rob's relaysh is same as with me and R.Pattz, i.e., strictly platonic. Damn. Still, we're both Team Robsten, even if we're both equally insulted Robert didn't as us to take off our clothes. 

Dear Ted:
What is the dirt on Hayden Panettiere? Or is she really as good as she'd like us to believe?
—Luv 

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New Moon hits theaters at midnight, which is why we've made this week nonstop Twilight (next week for you haters we'll try and just stop, promise). As Twilight fever hits, I sink my teeth into the top truths and lies about the slurp-a-sexy New Moon cast.

You'll never guess how it ends...

________

Head on over to our Truth, Lies, & Ted archive for more dirt.

Twilight's Nikki Reed sat down with Rachael Ray to promote New Moon, and that dubious chef and fake nicey-type got Nikki to spill some deets about her love life.

Relax, Team Kristen, Reed had nothing to say on Robert Pattinson.

It was all about her current beau, Paris Latsis, and how her new lovah has made her a better person and made her quit her nasty habits...

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Albert Michael/startraksphoto.com

Dear Ted:
Who does Miley Cyrus think she is these days? First, claiming she's never heard a Jay-Z song and that she doesn't listen to pop music? And now, I've read reports that she is dissing the Twilight series. Based on the quotes it seems like she is going out of her way to alienate her own fan base. What's her deal, and will her fans continue to be loyal if she keeps it up?
—C

Dear Mouthy Miley:
Please, this letter is exactly what she wants! Since not everyone is focusing on all-Miley, all-the-time, she needs to stir up some trouble. Leave those kinda comments to Megan Fox, Miles, she does it way better.

Dear Ted:
I was just looking through People's Sexiest Man issue. How many of the drool worthy guys pictured in that issue are something other than hetero? Adam Lambert is one, so 2-3? 4? More than 5? Or would it be easier and less litigious for me to ask you which ones are straight as an arrow?
—Sebastiadams

Dear Yummy Edition:
People's (Out) Gayest Men Alive just wouldn't really sell, now would it?

Dear Ted:
What's the deal with Peter Facinelli and Kellan Lutz? Are they just friends or do they have some hidden secrets? Any goss to share on them?
—Kym

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Mark Sullivan/Getty Images; Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images

Halle Berry, looking spectacular with no makeup again, catching a production of Dreamgirls at the Apollo in New York—and without that handsome, younger baby daddy of hers, Gabriel Aubry.

Totally dig how this honey blabs all over the place about how she and Aubry will "never marry" and that she's not exactly great "relationship material." Dunno about that.

Love it when couples have the guts to venture out publicly without being cemented to each other's sides, as was the case Tuesday night when Ms. B, I'm told, was accompanied by a man associated with the production, not Halle's love life. Good to know, since actress H and model G are superliciously hot together and also have a second kid on the way!

Oh, further fashion crime: Berry was wearing the most boring sweater possible and she still managed to look like she'd just come out of a bitchin' Gap photo shoot or something.

Far more fashion conscious and man-concerned back in L.A. was onetime Kellan Lutz toy and Beverly Hills 90210 sexpot...

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Michael Rozman/Warner Bros.

This is too friggin' funny. While Robert Pattinson taped a segment for the The Ellen DeGeneres Show (airing Friday), he asked a fan to strip off her clothes. And she did!

"I was doing a preinterview for this [show], and I immediately regretted saying that," the awkwardly adorable R.Pattz says. "I sound like I'm actually just abusing my position.

"It was after a period of signing 500 signatures, and one of [the fans] just came up. You kind of get 10 seconds with each person and you never really say anything, and I kind of got bored of saying, 'Hey, how are you doing?' And [the fan] said in her 10 seconds, 'What can I do to get your attention?' I was like, 'Um, just take your clothes off.' And she stood there and frantically started taking her clothes off and got dragged out of the room by security. I never felt more terrible."

This makes us love Rob 10 times more! Perverted, huh? We would start messing with fans, too, after a while. Actually, we're shocked R.Pattz hasn't done it more. He has so much power over these helpless ones! Might as well make it entertaining.

_________

See where all the New Mooners have been in our World Tour Madness Gallery.

Rick Diamond/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
Any dirt on Joe Jonas? And do you think he really did cheat on Taylor Swift? Too bad, I liked them as a couple.
—Phii 

Dear Joe Dirt:
I like Tay-squared better. And no new dirt on Jonas, other than he's in Madrid alone right now. Pity the poor Spaniard chicks there who get treated like he did Taylor. Who does Joe think he is, Doug Reinhardt? And it's just dumb that Joe's still supposed to be so clean and innocent. Give me Nick any day. And as for Swift—how come she always comes out from these Hollywood relayshes unscathed? It's very suspicious, I'm keeping my eye on that cutie.

Dear Ted:
You know, I think Brad Pitt likes his women skinny. Gwyneth Paltrow got even thinner when they were together and so did Jennifer Aniston. I bet Angie lives on celery and lettuce out of fear that if she puts on the pounds, Brad will leave her for a younger, sexier and thinner starlet.
—Hmph 

Dear Nice Catch:
You know, thinking back on it, they all did skinny up while with him. But they don't all share the same eating habits, trust.

Dear Ted:
Did you see the Taylor Lautner interview the other night with Giuliana Rancic? She asks him what he likes to do on a first date, and he mentions that maybe "going to a game, like a hockey game." Oh really? Like the one he went on with Taylor Swift? More proof Tay-Tay is really happening? What do you think?
—Vanness

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