The Awful Truth

Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images; Kevin Mazur/Getty Images

In the tabloid world (the same one that's always screaming Robsten's so always brutally busted up), Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp already are getting together. But whatever. 

Life & Style is the first of many mag-rag's to start hinting at an Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp lovefest off screen, as well as on. Why? Well, they supposedly got a sneak peak at the raunchy sex-filled script for The Tourist, in which Angie and Johnny are set to star opposite each other.

We've already read tons of reader questions asking if we can expect a Mr. and Mrs. Smith type hookup from Angie and Johnny. After all how could you resist the sexiest man alive? And isn't that exactly how perfectly happily married Jennifer Aniston lost her man? 

Here's what you can really expect with these attractive libidos collide...

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Dear Ted:
My friend knew Taylor Lautner back in the day when they were in the same karate circuit, and he tells me that Taylor was really cocky, arrogant, just a total d-bag. Is he still the same way? Because after seeing New Moon, I so want to be on Team Jacob, but not if he isn't the sweet guy he acts like he is. Not buying the whole Tay-Squared deal either. Lots of love!
—V.D.O. 

Dear Jocking Jacob:
Every time we've chatted with Taylor he's been a doll. But those usually are the fishy types when they're all Reese Witherspoon-y. Still, haven't heard much about Lautner's being like that. Tell your friend to cut him some slack—we were all idiots at some point back in the day. 

Dear Ted:
First off, I'm a faithful reader. Love your style. So I hate to actually put my thoughts into words and make it real but...I may be slightly converted to Team Jacob after New Moon. I mean, seriously! That kid's body should be illegal. And his personality-not as annoying in the movie as it was in the book. So naturally, I want some dirt on him. Maybe dirty him up in my eyes...like he needs to be any sexier! I know about the "showmance" with T2 and that's a lil' too PG-13 for my tastes.
—Can't Choose a Side

Dear Dirty Lautner:
Well, according to the reader above, maybe he was a little dink a few years ago. But I think he's a sweetheart! And I'm with ya—Jacob was almost too likeable in New Moon. 

Dear Ted:
Just a comment, sweetie. It's about time the music world got someone like Adam Lambert. Rock hasn't been this fun since Freddie Mercury was around. I love him to death and especially his over-the-topness (does that make sense?). All the boo-birds can take a flying you-know-what! More on Adam, please—so much more interesting than the boring tan Twilight anti-cs.
—Spanky

Dear Rockin' Out:
Totally agree, Adam is what music needs. Let's get him and Lady Gaga together.

Dear Ted:
You know I love yah, but I can't stand this whole Robsten crap anymore! Ooo two actors hook-up on set! Wowza, like that hasn't happen before ever in the history of movies! (And with hotter people then them!) Yes, I said it! Don't get me wrong Ted, I love you and all that you do, but I don't understand the whole thing around them...why should we care? Please explain.
-Xmas 

Dear Robsten Hater:
We care because Twilight is like the hottest thing in Hollywood (and the world) right now, and because of that, so is Robsten. So we report. We love the couple, because they're different. Rob and Kristen are hardly a classic tale of boy meets girl on set. They're way more interesting than that.

Dear Ted:
So now that you have told me that Kristen Stewart and Nikki Reed have a "special" relationship, but they aren't as tight as they once were, where does that leave Robert Pattinson? Does he still loathe the chick or has he forgiven her for whatever? I thought it was really sweet that Rob's Brit pack friends showed up to the premieres and such. I have a tight group of longtime friends so I think that says a lot about Rob. I can understand it as there are about 5 of my dearest friends that I would love to share something like that with. Happy Turkey Day, make sure you give your doggies a special treat! Nikki and Rob, please make up!
—Erica 

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Enough with the skanky closeted "straight" movie stars, who are out being photographed with their pretend girlfriends while doing guys on the side.

This week we're goin' back to those sneaky heterosexuals who originally wrote the book on cheating their partners, not to mention the public!

Quidget and Bridget Barks-a-Little are a Hollywood dream couple, as in they both do it all with darling personalities and multi-talented careers. And, oh, aren't they gorgeous to look at, too, what with their sweet smiles and even sweeter kiddies?

Then there's the much darker celeb duo known as Harry and La-Feelya Fun-Tanked, an amazingly hard-partying twosome whose much better known for their combative social and cohabitating skills than they are for any picture of domestic bliss. 

I mean, most folks don't even know Harry and La-Feelya have kids, that's how much their domestic side is never played in the press, or any place else, for that matter. White-picket-fence types, they're so not. 

So isn't it so interesting that La-Feelya, who's still awesome looking with her curves and cat-like attraction, and has pretty much decided she's had it with too-far-gone Harry, and she just recently set her sights on a bacon-earner who's got a little more, how shall we say, predictability (i.e. steady paycheck and richly rewarded career) to him? Yep.

So much so that...

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Drew Barrymore and Justin Long obviously can't make up their mind if they want to be together or not, and every other week we hear they've called it quits for good. Let's hope the hundredth time's the charm, because the twosome was just spotted in Miami on a hush-hush romantic getaway.

The He's Just Not That Into You costars shacked up at the Viceroy Hotel on posh Brickell Avenue, instead of their usual haunt the Delano. Stealth, guys. Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony can usually be found at the Viceroy, too, but let's just hope Drew and Justin look up to J.Lo and Marc for travel tips, not love tips.

D & J stayed in South Beach for three days, sipping on cocktails and having just a fab time. While Justin was spotted working out at the hotel spa, Drew was found shopping, natch. She hit up Avant Gallery, looking laid-back wearing a simple T-shirt paired with her makeup-free face.

Store patrons tell us Drew was "the sweetest thing." Hmmm, wonder if she was shopping for her pad back in L.A. or possibly a potential place in Miami? After all, Drew supposedly kicked poor Justin out of her Hollywood home. That might be a blessing in disguise, though, trust. Maybe these two make better travel companions than lovers.

While Drewstin is up in the air, one duo who will always be for keeps is...

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AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite

"They're fine. The smoking means nothing other than he's addicted to cigarettes." 

—White House insider, when we inquired whether or not President Barack Obama's continued clandestine puffing, despite repeated efforts to stop, perhaps was a sign there's tension in his marriage to first lady Michelle.

"They're solid," we were reprimanded when we asked if the cig sneaking (and constant gal eyelash-batting B.O. gets from the babes round the world) was a clue to trouble between the Potomac power couple.

"And she does not wear the pants in the family, dream on," our source added, regarding Michelle's perhaps undeserved rep for being a bit bossy. Oh, really?

__________

Hey, Hollywood's still supporting him! Check out some celebs in Hollywood's Team Obama gallery!

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Glad our little travel-tip yesterday turned out to be true. 

Robert Pattinson landed back in Los Angeles with GF Kristen Stewart yesterday after unwinding together all weekend in NYC. 

Even People magazine has deets of Rob and Kristen full-on making out in public Friday night. Robsten doubters are you even out there still? 

So can we get used to this new Robsten? Ya know, the same undercover lovers who try so hard to never be snapped in the same frame together...

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John Shearer/Getty Images

Ryan Gosling strutted out of his Hollywood gym like he was just walkin' outta the bathroom or somethin'.

The increasingly pumped-up stud-actor was pulling a hoodie over his barely there tight wife-beater, but that's just the start of it. The six-foot-one nascent muscle dude was wearing flimsy track pants that might as well have been pajama bottoms, 'cause we all know what one wears under PJs, right? Same thing with Ryan's black trainers, which could easily have revealed Ryan's religious affiliation.

Either that, or Gosling had his large pet snake with a swollen lip in there, just floppin' around and havin' a good ole time.

Freshly worked out, happy Ryan climbed into his bigass gas-guzzlin' SUV, like it was a perfectly normal thing for an endowed movie star to dangle 'n' go. And I'm sorry, Rachel McAdams is an idiot.

Crazy for private-style partying, also in Hollywood, was...

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Matt Sayles/AP Photo

Dear Ted:
All of the grief over Janet Jackson's breast, but Adam Lambert was allowed to grab a woman's vagina, simulate oral sex, flip everyone the finger, and open mouth kiss a straight man. But it's all OK because he's gay? Ted, what do you think?
—Yvette ML

Dear Hardly:
Lambert's performance was completely edited when the show aired on the West Coast, though. I don't see why people made a big deal about boobgate or Lambert's antics. Like I said it's a p-e-r-f-o-r-m-a-n-c-e, people (and parents council). If you don't like it, switch the damn channel!

Dear Ted:
I'm kinda dunzo with Alexander Skarsgård. I hate it when celebs tell the press what they think their fans want to hear. Don't parrot a publicist, just be honest or say "no comment." We big girls can handle it, just don't lie. What do you think?
—Mackenzie

Dear One Step Ahead:
What exactly did he do to tick you off, darling? Not own up to prancing out with Kate Bosworth? I wouldn't want to claim that either!

Dear Ted:
Just have to ask, what is the Awful Truth about Robsten? Are they still as committed as they once were, or has fame, PR stress, and time worn away the bubble? Something seems to be off...especially with Rob...has he lost interest?
—Curious

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Any excuse to put up a picture of Natalie Portman is OK by us!

Nat celebrated the premiere of her new flick Brothers and looked absolutely yumma-do-me while doing it. But a little on the thin side, no? Guess that's Hollywood for ya.

Love the hair, love the makeup, love the dress. Her 'do looks classy, while the strapless mini, busty-bouquet number keeps her looking young. We forget the age of this mature Harvard alum sometimes, but we do know that that vibrant blue hue is impeccable.

One thing missing from the party was costar Jake Gyllenhaal.

Is that because he was home playing with his hair?

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Everyone wants a status update on Rocky Trailer—one of the many bisexual stars caught up in the Twilight mega-franchise.

Clearly none of the New Mooners blabbed about their tendencies to swing both ways. Ya know, get turned on by guys and girls.

This doesn't come as that big of a surprise to us. Like we said, we'd believe it when we hear it. It's always easier for an actor to think they'll break boundaries by coming clean about their sexuality, but so few ever do.

Our own Taryn Ryder encountered Rocky very recently and actually and had quite the run in...

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Dear Ted:
One of my favorite shows on TV is Gossip Girl, but I got to know is there any dirt on the costars? Seems as if Blake Lively and Leighton Meester don't get along too well. Also does anyone else, besides Chace Crawford of course, have a Blind Vice? Thanks! Xoxo
—Melia

Dear GG Gossip:
When Team Awful has spotted the two girls out partying, the two girls haven't even acknowledged each other. Battle of the egos, I'm thinking. As for being BV subjects, Chacey-poo is the only one holding down the naughty GG fort.

Dear Ted:
This is completely random Ted, but did you know if you made Tom Cruise a blonde, he would look just like Peter Facinelli? It's creepy! On a completely different note, who's Terry Tush-Trade? For the love of all that's Holy and good Ted (I know you're a devout Presby)! I have to know. Your loving, devoted, and faithful followers want, no, need to know. Please man! It's almost Christmas ya know. Spill!
—Bubble 

Dear Twins:
Um, no way will Facinelli ever look like Cruise. You might be right, but I refuse to imagine it. As for TTT, my lips are sealed until Terry's are not. Or gets caught with one of those damn flipcams.

Dear Ted:
It is 4 a.m. here in Chicago and I am up sipping tea to sooth my never-ending sore throat. I just saw a snippet of Robin Robertson's interview with Janet Jackson. She was talking about MJ's death and her family's attempt at interventions. She also puts it out there who she blames for her brother's death. Although she looked beautifully made up and composed in the interview, her eyes looked so sad. Any thoughts? Is Janet really speaking from the heart? Much love from a true Ted fan.
—Irish_blue

Dear Questioning Heartache:
Janet speaks more from the heart where Joe speaks more from the pocket book. But there are still many things left unsaid in this family.

Dear Ted:
I just don't think Taylor-squared is real. I mean the obvious hints in interviews and how it's conveniently getting them more attention around the re-release of her album and the release of New Moon. It just seems too perfect, and if Taylor Swift's a good friend, she wouldn't date Selena Gomez's ex. It just doesn't make sense. Xx
—Robs 

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People

Dear Ted:
AT is part of my early morning ritual, helping me start the day on a light (or juicy) note before diving into work. Johnny Depp as People's Sexiest is fine by me—he's certainly do-able and sexy—but what in the world has he done to his face? I swear I didn't even recognize him in that picture. What do you make of the recent changes to his face and do you think he can tell how strange he looks? I've got nothing against fillers and corrective treatments—if they're done right the results can be rejuvenating and natural-looking—but it seems like so many stars go overboard or get terrible work done. Why is that? You'd think a big star would be choosier and go to the best. Also, why would People choose such a terrible photo for the cover and why would his people approve that ugly mug shot? Thanks!
—Kitty

Dear Depp Be-Gone:
I think the front pic isn't all that bad; it's pretty hard to make Depp look ugly.

Dear Ted:
I have some questions regarding Bradley Cooper. I get the feeling that he is a colossal egomaniac. There are never pictures of him out with friends. Does he have famous friends, if so who are they? I don't think he is gay but there is something about his personality he is hiding from us, am I right?
—Emma 

Dear Hermit Crab:
Coop isn't showing his true self, that's for sure. Totally doable, as he may be.

Dear Ted:
I was wondering if you ever get threatened by publicists whenever you publish a Blind Vice or other items rendering a particular celebrity's image suspicious. Aren't you worried for your safety? I admire you for putting the truth out there, or at least the best you can.
—Big Fan

Dear Worry Wart:
You've got no idea babe! I'm more concerned about a backlash of Twilight fans than publicists, though. They're tough-ass mothers!

Dear Ted:
Ok, you've given us a list of 12 guys who are not Toothy Tile. How about a list of 12 guys who are not Nevis Devine? Love ya.
—Salrob 

Dear Trying Easy:
Nevis has a few more years to go until he reaches the legendary status of Toothy. I'll think about it, though Good idea.

Dear Ted:
I'm gonna bitch. I have read you forevah but you have to stop the jumping to the next page to continue reading a storyline. It truly is fubar and takes way too long to load. (and I usually never complain about a delayed load! lol) Love you, love the furbabies, mine's a rescued lab that has more love in his eyes than a queen has mirrors. (Scorpios are awesome, right Ted?)
—KikiTopaz

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