Despite the fact that celebs were dropping like fabulous, beloved flies this week, the heart of Soupy television kept right on beating:

• On Southern Belles: Louisville, we meet a doggy whose boff is worse than its bite.

• Kendra's new BFF Jonny Makeup puts the boy into flamboyant. OMG!

• Come along for the ride as The Bachelorette kicks out the middle-aged white man jams. And yes, there's a mustache involved.

• Teen shame shocker: Having awesome sex makes God murder your daddy! Provided you're American!

• Beer + hot wings + milk = a fat guy with wicked gas. And thus, hilarity.