Picture this: You're a female toddler. Your body boasts the curves of a hot dog.

So, without those mature lady bumps to support a skimpy bikini, how do you make the darned thing stay put?

Booty Glue, of course.

But once applied, you can't dig in your butt. Apparently you forgot that, because you're a toddler.

Great. Now you've ruined our chances in the pageant. What the hell is wrong with you?

I'm your mother, by the way.