In the past, we've heard brothers Chance and Love wax at length about their search for genuine, honest love. Not the kind of superficial, novelty attraction centered on, oh, absurdly enhanced breasts.

Then along comes Mamacita…

How 'zilla supreme Karen doesn't have her won reality show yet is beyond us.

She's breathtakingly obnoxious, utterly self-centered, perfectly sexy in a Sopranos mob moll kind of way and does not possess an undeclared thought in her well-coiffed head.

Now she reveals her lighter side when her aunt (who is confined to a wheelchair) wants to attend her wedding.

We could elaborate, but we don't want to be offensive. Not so Karen. 

In almost any long-term relationship, sooner or later the lusty spark goes out of the bedroom. And when it does, Tyra is right there to capitalize on it.

Especially in the case of Gem and Eddie, whose idea of a passionate time has been randy, full-figured Gem doing a body drop on her horizontal man. 

But now that she's gone and lost 130 pounds, will the couple need a sex therapist—or repeated trips to the buffet?

Who does this demanding woman think she is?

During a sex therapy session, Tool Charm's GF Andrea has the nerve—the nerve!—to demand foreplay before sex. Foreplay? Didn't that go out with lava lamps and clove cigarettes?

Anyway, a busy brother like Charm has no time for such pointless action. He's a model.

That explains his tight schedule. Doesn't it?

The ultimate fire-breathing, New Yawk goombah stereotype 'zilla herself, Staten Island's own Karen, has it rough.

Due to her unparalleled beauty, all women hate her. In fact, in an attempt to mar her stunning, Goodfellas-bride appearance, there is apparently a conspiracy among female hair stylists to ruin Karen's coif.

Fer cryin' out loud, where are all the gay hair dressers when you need 'em?

We all know that this is a troubled family—they don't give reality shows to people who get along, apart from those lovable Duggars—and now we find the deep-seated base of so many Lamas issues. During lunch.

Seems Lorenzo was jealous…of ex-wife Michele's breastfeeding!

It's just so obvious, once you hear her emotional, color-coded theory  that reduces their relationship to a clash of tints and hues.

However, they do have wonderful taste in gigantic dark glasses.

It's a trip down mammary lane up in Hef's bedroom as the cackling sex kingpin runs a mansion roller disco party tape circa '79 for his current stable of young sweeties, who barely remember 9/11.

The girls exhibit a firm grasp of the obvious, gleefully naming what they see onscreen as if viewing flashcards—"Skates! Bikinis! Hef's jean outfit!"

They even spot Hef himself wearing a ceremonial headdress. Though in Playmate-speak, it's something else entirely.

Apologies in advance to the Native American community.

If you're a fan of sex, violence and strawberry tuxedo dessert recipes, have we got a treat for you. Read on…

• Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Or this astonishing Bridezilla.

• Homekeepers scamp Arlene Rippy tosses out a bit of devilment to caught-in-the headlights chef Gaston. Damned funny.

• The blondest real housewife of Atlanta drops in on The Dish to push her very own Kim Zolciak Halloween costume. Since when are big boobs scary?

• Darling Toddlers & Tiaras contestant reveals the inner rage that makes her so precious.

• According to Tyra, women are binge drinking. And not just on reality shows.

What at first blush may seem to be an innocent clip of two monsters in the Old West having a banana swallowing contest may be something wholly other.

To you and your filthy mind.

Look for more cheap thrills on a new Soup tonight at 10 p.m. ET/PT.

Suave stud Chuck Bass doubles his pleasure by swinging both ways. Or is he doubling his trouble?

Suave stud Joel McHale brings you Gossip Girl's latest boy-on-boy action, and after that wicked tease your man returns with a big throbbing Soup at 10 p.m. ET/PT. B.Y.O towels.

That nutty A.J. Lamas is up to his old tricks,  giving ditzy sis Shayne a good ribbing!

The game afoot in this Sunday's episode? Determining what a cabaret is, and if it involves nudity. Who knows? Not Shayne, that's for sure. But who can blame her? "Cabaret" is like, a really old word, and even thinking about it leaves the whimpering gal confused and perplexed.

Score one for A.J.!

In lieu of layers of comedic innuendo and/or obvious locker room one-liners, let's cut right to the chase and say that Joel McHale is proud to bring you—direct from Dancing With the Stars—Michael Irvin doing a bolero with a nickle wedged between his butt cheeks.

After that money shot, why not spend some time listening to the queen of all Bridezillas reveal her inner feelings about a doorman? Then imagine someone actually marrying this.

And don't forget to crank up the TV set tonight at 10 p.m. ET/PT, when Joel returns bearing gifts of fresh Soup.