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The Hollywood community has been shaken to its very foundation today by a groundbreaking new tactic to determine the viability of celebrities and their careers. Show-business news website Starpulse.com has created a posting entitled Beyoncé Knowles —Hot or Not?, allowing viewers to judge Knowles’ standing in the cutthroat world of entertainment.

“This is shocking to say the least,” stated a Hollywood source to Soup Blog reporters. “If these people with computers out there, whoever they are, decide Beyoncé is not hot, the woman’s entire career could go straight to hell. And who's next on the block? The Jonas Brothers? Miley Cyrus? Cloris Leachman? This kind of vigilante justice is terrifying and must be stopped before normal people take complete control of Hollywood.”

At press time, the all-important poll had received four comments, ranging from “sometimes hot”  to “most definitely smoking hot” to “hot,” indicating that Knowles’ career as one of the top female recording artists may be able to survive.

E! Network

From sara: Can I be on the soup?
Yes.

From kassey105: I plan to be a celebrity one day and if my ego ever gets in my way as it is sure to do, I hope u bring me right back to earth by making crazyyy fun of me!
Sounds like a great plan, kassey. You’re not famous yet, but we can see you have the perfect combination of massive ego and false self-deprecation to make it to the top in Hollywood. And when you do, we’ll be here to make crazyyy fun of you. And guess what? We’ve already started!

From blammey: On Heroes, did somebody fart (ala Mrs. Bush) in the future right before Nathan walks in?
Yeah, and it was a doozy. Wait, did you mean on the show or during the show?

Keep Reading

Sometimes you just have to let the pictures do the talking. Thanks to Soup fiend Tijuana Bill for this strange helping of Kana, whatever that is. We can only surmise that it's good for pretty ladies having lunch and bad for chickens. 

There's no better way to work out your parental relationship issues than to sit down with Mom as both of you sculpt your favorite type of penis. At least that's the thinking in Sex...With Mom and Dad, featuring host Dr. Drew. Watch the head-to-head competiton during this touching mother-and-child reunion.

Faithfull Soup Blog readers will recall Kat's passion for cookies. Now, with a gut-busting primal scream that would make Yoko Ono proud, Kat begs for more cookies. But will Big Brother listen? 

Meet My Big Redneck Wedding's Anna and Bo, two happily betrothed rednecks who are determined to fulfill every possible stereotype of twisted hillbilly love. Johnny Law be damned, the tailgating husband and wife are keeping their countrified union all in the family. Literally.  

Jonathan Short/APPA/ZUMAPress.com; Image Source/Getty Images

The latest Bond Girl, Quantum of Solace star Gemma Arterton, is a stunningly beautiful woman. The ravishing 22-year-old Brit won the role of Agent Fields by beating out 1,500 other actresses and will also be the face of Avon’s Bond Girl 007 cosmetics line. Yet despite her runway-model looks, the beauty revealed to Esquire magazine that she was born with six fingers on each hand. The extra digits were “tied,” causing them to fall off at an early age.

“You’re s--ttin’ me!” stated Queens, New York, Bond super fan Brian Shepner when told of the spare fingers. “And to think I thought she was hot.” Twenty-six-year-old Shepner is a Bond film fanatic, particularly focusing his attention on the notoriously sexy female counterparts to the suave agent. “This brings up a lot of questions,” said a stunned, confused Shepner. “What if I’m still attracted to her? And can she park anywhere?”

Soup amiga Lauren offers up this intriguing footage of Tama, the Japanese station master cat. Apparently, (like the Tom Waits song says) Tama is big in Japan. In fact, her cuteness has boosted the train-riding population, thus also boosting the local economy, which you can read about here.

“Perhaps you should do an economic analysis on the profitability of Spaghetti Cat versus this Japanese feline,” writes Lauren. “And then predict how, if the two merge together, they can avert the unraveling global economic crisis.” Obviously, that’s way too much work for us, so just watch and let the fuzzy warmth trickle into your brain pan.

FAME PICTURES

Unhappy with a house that a psychic allegedly told her is “cursed,” Britney Spears has put her 7,500-square-foot Studio City mansion on the market. According to In Touch magazine, Spears is asking $7.9 million for the bad-news dwelling.

In an effort to confirm the story, Soup Blog reporters contacted Cheryl Bostweed, a deceased realtor now operating a successful business from beyond the grave. “Cursed? Are you kidding? The place is cursed with Britney! For months I’ve been trying to interest some very exclusive ghosts in haunting the place, and when they find out Britney’s the owner, they completely lose interest,” revealed Bostweed. “The place has great potential—it's spacious, drafty, poorly lit, fantastic gloom appeal—but once her name comes up, it’s a dead issue. And not in a good way.”

Nationalistic snobs may argue the point, but the European version of Big Brother puts the Yankee version to shame. At the very least, the Euro franchise had Kat, a woman who appears to have some Muppet blood running through her veins. She likes cookies. A lot. How could they have given this gal the heave-ho?

After three decades of numerous, highly effective marketing initiatives in the popular music sector, longtime pitchman John Lydon (aka Johnny Rotten) is franchising his trademark "angry Brit" character to the Country Life British Butter conglomerate. Utilizing the caustic sneer and zany, bug-eyed expression that created tremendous brand loyalty for previous projects, Lydon again optimizes consumer recognition, this time for the creamy Anglo breakfast spread. The virgin butter pitchman is rumored to be in sponsorship talks with Sunny Delight, Tampax and Rolling Rock beer's upcoming offshoot, Rolling Punk Rock.

If you thought Beverly Hills Chihuahua was a controversial piece of work, get a load of South Central Chihuahua. It's dog-eat-dog on the mean streets of L.A., where eating means killing and dog means Lou.