What do a canned ham and Adam Lambert have in common?

No, the answer has nothing to do with painfully campy over-acting. Or devouring salty meat. Here's a hint: Paula Deen is involved.

Confused? Don't worry, Joel McHale will make it all perfectly clear for you, as he breaks down the 2009 American Music Awards into a minute or so. And that includes pantomime sex acts from Lambert and Whitney Houston, plus Lady Gaga showing some empty bottles who's boss. 

In other words, more than enough.

But not enough Soup, of course. Dig in tonight at 10 p.m. ET/PT as the yucks just keep on coming.

Sure, we all like shows about happy dwarves, good cooking, bad tattoos and families that can't stop procreating, but who has time to watch all that programming?

Between beer runs?

Now, thanks to the clever folks at TLC, your schedule just opened up big-time. The channel—which is thankfully still devoted to "learning"—has slammed all that crap into one big hot mess called Fertile Little Tattooed Pageant Parents Who Enjoy Baking.

And it makes Joel McHale laugh. So you will too. That's pretty much the way it works.

Don't forget, there's plenty more to guffaw about tonight at 10 p.m. ET/PT on a brand new Soup. 

There are many things in life that simply cannot be explained. The smile on the Mona Lisa. The way a new dawn breaking over a snow-capped peak can move a person to tears. The miracle of life itself.

And the raging passion that bikers have for watching midgets wrestle.

Well, a dude at the Full Throttle Saloon can can only drink beer and watch pole dancers for so long.

Eliminations are always painful for Ray J, not to mention the women hoping to gain his heart, women whose hearts are on the chopping block at the end of every episode.

Here, lucky contestant Cashmere is saved from the ax, getting her one step closer to her sensitive love interest.

Ray J wants something to grow between them. And he wants it to grow big.

If you've ever wondered why people accuse Hollywood-types of being empty, shallow, superficial d-bags, take a trip to the barber—sorry, stylist—with Million Dollar Listing's Chad Rogers.

You may get some idea.

Spoiler alert: his hair looks exactly the same after his haircut as when he sat down.

Good news from Good Day L.A., folks! The weather for your southern California Thanksgiving is going to be great!

Unlike the weather in Turkey, where rains have caused deadly flooding and massive property damage.

But that's not going to spoil the holiday in L.A., according to chirpy weather gal Lisa Breckenridge.

Pass the gravy!

Watching Tyra is not always an easy task. That's because Tyra pulls no punches. Tyra doesn't hold back. Tyra has the guts to bring you the painful issues so many women deal with, issues that are not always pretty.

Or, in the heartbreaking case of troubled Brittany, even color-coordinated.

Let Tyra allow you to feel Brittany's shame as she forces her guest to walk down the street in pitiless New York City in an outfit that doesn't match!

Watching Whitney Houston win the coveted American Music Award last night was a touching moment.

Especially for the award.

Keep Reading

In the hopeful world of spook-seeking tool Zak Bagans, the Ohio Reformatory is a sexy place.

Why? Over almost 100 years, some 150,000 violent men were incarcerated there, and "today, their evil spirits still prey on women, the elderly and the weak as they carry out their eternal sentences."

Shivering yet?

Perhaps not as much as the reformatory tour guide, a dangling carrot (in Zak's eyes, anyway) for the wicked prison horndogs from beyond the grave.

Though you might wanna watch your back, Zak. With a stud like you in their midst, these randy spirits just might be in search of doing a little more hard time.

Making the grade on Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader is no easy feat.

The standards are high, the demands are many: sexiness, chronic smiling, pom-pom finesse and, of course, sexiness.

But, as we know, not every woman is perfect, so it's refreshing indeed to see that the squad leaders are willing to accomodate a poor, pitiful, hopeful with a freakishly "weird" body.

For Shayne and Dakota, the fun-loving, irrepressible Lamas girls, the world is one big bottle of room-service champagne in an expensive hotel overlooking Central Park in Manhattan where trashing said room is good clean fun!

Hey that's what maids are for, right? 

_______

Get an eyeful of the Shayne, Dakota and and the rest of the Lamas clan!

Sex can be bad enough in real life, but on TV it can really stink.

Unless Joel McHale is involved, and luckily he is tonight, offering you Love and Other Burning Sensations, a round-up of the best in on-screen sexual shipwreck moments.

Ahoy there, Secret Life of the American Teenager, you've made the cut! As this taste of the teeny-boffing show reveals, God works in mysterious ways.

Especially when it comes to action between the sheets.

Don't forget to tune in for more shocking fun at 10 p.m. ET/PT.