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With friends like these, who needs tabloid reporters?

Jon Gosselin is the latest victim to fall prey to Michael Lohan's seemingly ever-present recording devices, with Lindsay's father now leaking audio from a phone call earlier this year with the reality dud dad.

We'll give him this, Lohan certainly managed to get Gosselin talking during the nearly four-minute call, spouting off on his exclusivity contract with TLC, dishing on his relationships with Hailey Glassman and Kate Major, pronouncing he will not—repeat not—be "scare tactic'd," and…one more thing…what was it?

Oh, yeah. Pedophiles.

"I mean, I put my kids out there to every pedophile on the planet and they never got paid for it?" he said in the tape obtained by Radar Online. "It's disgusting."

It's disgusting all right...

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Matt Sayles/AP Photo

"Singularly distasteful."

The Parents Television Council on Adam Lambert's American Music Awards leash demonstration? Close. The Sept. 16, 1956, New York Times on Elvis Presley's hip-censored Ed Sullivan performance.

If our outrage over rock stars is nothing new, then neither are our rock stars. From Elvis' pelvis on down, they are nothing if not dedicated to sex, more sex, the next new single, which is probably about sex, and ticking off people who prefer their s-e-x to be not so explicit, thankyouverymuch. 

Criticizing Lambert for what he did, smooched and pawed at the AMAs is like criticizing that Paula Deen lady on the Food Network because she made something with butter: It's what they do.

And the other night, Lambert did his job very well.

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Karen Alquist/TLC

Kate Gosselin never wanted it to be this way. But since it is this way...

Having to shut down its cash cow thanks to Jon Gosselin's gripes, TLC seemed to make sure that its litigious former star ended up smelling like a bed of anything-but-roses on Monday's series finale of Jon & Kate Plus 8.

Kate took six of the kids to an organic farm, where they pet kittens and milked cows, and everything was wholesome and lovely! Meanwhile, even raising money for firefighters, Jon came off looking like the bad guy.

"I always wonder, 'Are they safe, are they protected, are they well thought-out?'" Kate, who called the premature end of the show "bittersweet," mused during one of her one-on-camera interview segments. 

"And I do worry about his intentions and his motives for such things," she said, referring to the lemonade stand Jon set up to raise money for their local volunteer fire department. "Is this a publicity stunt? What is the bottom line of it? I don't like when my kids get caught in the crossfire of that stuff."

Cut to Jon banishing Mady and Cara from the site for being "unappreciative" and then begrudging the sextuplets their fun exploring a firetruck while he stayed outside selling lemonade. Then he donned a full fireman's suit and took a few Darth-Vaderesque breaths.

Kate's concerns come to fruition, or some crafty editing?

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ABC/ADAM LARKEY

From Argentine tango to Viennese waltz, the final round of Dancing With the Stars had a little bit of everything.

Finalists Mya, Kelly Osbourne and Donny Osmond danced three times apiece on night one of the ABC hit's two-part finale, which will culminate tomorrow with one of these endearing celebs being crowned queen or king of the ballroom.

Though neither Donny nor Mya has ever been in the bottom two (or three) and Kelly and her can-do attitude have obviously developed quite the following, voters' loyalties may well have shifted during the course of the evening thanks to the hit-and-miss nature of the routines.

We always expect the anything-goes freestyles to be especially exciting...so perhaps that's why we're even more let down when they fail.

But we're getting ahead of ourselves. First came a Latin round. Then they did a group Mega-Mix, in which all three couples performed the same Viennese waltz, samba and jive choreography simultaneously.

We broke it all down for you:

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Jason Kempin/Getty Images

Timbaland says he's got nothing but love for Chris Brown, despite the fact that Brown is now an ex-contributor to the MC's latest album.

"The decision was a mutual decision since both artists were at the time working on their solo projects," a rep for Timbaland tells E! News in response to a TMZ report that Brown's vocal on "The One I Love" was dropped due to all the "drama" in his life.

"Chris is a friend to us," the rep said.

Neither version is particualrly farfetched, but that's the official word.

Another rapper on the track, D.O.E., told TMZ that the tune was originally titled "Maniac," but was changed to "The One I Love" because of Brown's involvement.

Timbaland's latest solo effort, Shock Value II, is due out Dec. 8. Brown's new album, Graffiti, drops the same day.

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Get a load of the latest videos in both Chris Brown and Rihanna's repertoires right here.

Prince Williams/Getty Images

To get at the truth, the family of Kandi Burruss's late fiancé is looking to raise the dead.

A.J. Jewell did not have sickle-cell anemia, according to a spokesman for Jewell's relatives, who have requested that a second autopsy be performed by a private coroner to clear up any inconsistencies surrounding his death last month from a head injury sustained in a fight outside an Atlanta strip club.

Results are expected in about two weeks. The Real Housewives of Atlanta fixture was laid to rest over a month ago.

The Fulton County medical examiner ruled Jewell's death a homicide and the other guy in the fight, Frederick Richardson, has been charged with voluntary manslaughter.

But Jewell's family disagrees with the finding that sickle-cell anemia aggravated his injuries.

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MLS.com; Lester Cohen/Getty Images

Khloé Kardashian and Lamar Odom finally have a roost to call their own.

E! News confirmed Monday that the newlyweds have purchased a seven-bedroom home in Tarzana, Calif.—pretty close to Kris and Bruce Jenner's abode in Calabasas—for close to $4 million.

In addition to sleeping quarters for all of Khoé's siblings and a few Lakers, the Mediterranean-style manse has nine bathrooms, a gourmet kitchen, a gym, a theater, a pool and spa, an outdoor cooking space with two fridges and a barbecue pit, and a driveway that can fit around 15 cars.

We're just going to assume that high ceilings were a prerequisite.

Not bad for a first home as husband and wife—and they even got a deal! The price had recently been reduced by a million dollars due to the real estate-unfriendly economic climate.

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While we wait for a Khloé at Home gallery, check out Khloé on the Karpet.

Summit Entertainment

Twi-hards, you were right: New Moon's Sunday box office was bigger than estimated. 

Twi-hards, you were wrong: New Moon wasn't big enough to dethrone The Dark Knight as Hollywood's all-time opening-weekend champ. (Or, for that matter, to displace No. 2, Spider-Man 3.)

Final numbers, released today, show the Twilight sequel finished the weekend with a spectacular $142.8 million, up from the, well, spectacular $140.7 million of first reports.

In the end, New Moon made $72.7 million on Friday, $42.3 million Saturday and $27.8 million on Sunday.

Twi-hards, take note: Next time, the Dark Knight-beating number you're looking for on Sunday (assuming the other returns stay the same) is $43.5 million. Lotsa luck, Eclipse.

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At this point, there's almost nothing we don't already know about Jon and Kate Gosselin.

He likes Ed Hardy, ticking every box off the midlife crisis checklist and demanding privacy from the paparazzi, unless of course they want to patronize his lemonade stand or capture him bringing flowers to his ex-wife. His dislikes include spell-check and Nancy Grace.

She, on the other hand, enjoys employing ghost writers to pen cookbooks on organic food, berating her personality-challenged husband and recouping hundreds of thousands of dollars that were rightfully hers to begin with. She's not such a fan of anything less than industrial-strength pomade.

This much we know.

But TLC is reminding us of a few other Gosselin truths that have gotten lost along the way in the torn-apart family's reality swan song, as Jon & Kate Plus 8 comes to its confessional- and montage-filled series end tonight.

Like, no matter how heinous you think their parents are—and at this point it is just a matter of degrees—those Gosselin Plus 8 are downright adorable (and, lest we forget, the reason viewers flocked in the first place).

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AP Photo/Isaac Brekken

The doctor is in. Heaven help the patients.

The increasingly cash-strapped Conrad Murray, Michael Jackson's infamous MD and the doctor at the center of authorities' still-pending investigation into the pop icon's death, returned to work Friday.

"Because of a deteriorating financial condition and prompting by many of his beloved patients, on Nov. 20, 2009, Dr. Conrad Murray resumed his cardiology practice in Houston, Texas," Murray's attorney, Ed Chernoff, said.

And he's wasting no time in expanding his services to the full scope of his former clientele.

"Dr. Murray plans to attend to patients in both Las Vegas and Houston. His decision to first return to practice in Houston was made because of the greater need these low-income patients have for his services and the prohibitive cost of reopening his clinic in Las Vegas."

And if you think people may be hesitant to get treated by the doctor who may or, slightly less likely, may not have had anything to do with Jackson's death, well, think again.

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