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As happy as we are for the fabs celebs tying the knot so gloriously and spectacularly lately, gotta say this gonzo wedding coverage is making us throw up a little bit.

I'm mean, some of us just happen to be getting divorces right about now! Indeed, many of these starry love folk rub their so-called "eternal" love in your face by throwing the biggest, fanciest ceremonies money can buy, only to spend twice the amount on divorce lawyers. It's a waste of moolah, for one, but also totally depressing.

If rich, beautiful people can't get along with one another, what hope do the rest of us have?

Feeling similarly? Check out our Bitter Matrimony gallery, filled to the brim with the most ostentatious, obnoxious splashy celeb weddings that ended in marriages that just didn't stick. And if you're one of those lucky babes in love planning your own big day, don't bother throwing the bouquet in our direction—we'd prolly just burn it.

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Behold! The Awful Truth's Bitter Matrimony gallery!

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We all know how hard it is to get your foot in the door in this town—unless you're using your super famous fam member's foot. Then you're free to walk right in and have a career based off your well-admired last name! Happens all the time in H'wood, and it's happening right now to one babe who is doing everything she can do unfairly help out her lesser known kin.

Can ya guess who it is?

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Is Robsten sick and tired of being treated like Summit's puppets? Have Tori and Candy Spelling finally grown up and made up? And is a supersuccessful celeb going back to acting school? It's not Lohan, but it should be—find out who. Plus, what hairy sitch in the White House has me totally pissed, on this week's supersweet Truth, Lies & Ted!

Angela Weiss/Getty Images, John M. Heller/Getty Images

Candy Spelling, wife of late megaproducer Aaron Spelling, has just called out daughter Tori in the classiest way possible: a cutting, petty open letter written to a cutting house of tabloid fever.

What a gal!

The missive, which is nothing more than a 375-word whinefest about Candy's decision not to attend her granddaughter's B-day do, is without a doubt Candy's finest verbal upchucking yet—and that's saying something, trust.

It's well-documented here on E! Online that the two Spelling bitches have had quite the feud over the past few years, with Tori waiting for her mom to rekindle their relaysh and Candy pissed about Tor's alleged refusal to communicate with her family. But Granny Spelling has reached a new level of divalicious .

Even though daughter dearest appears to be the victim here, all is not as it may seem for the Spelling clan...

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SVEDKA

Tori Spelling's going from the bookstore back to the boob tube—the fourth season of Tor's reality show Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood hits Oxygen on May 26. Can you wait?

Uh, we can.

But first, we simply cannot believe after four seasons of publicly airing their relaysh on TV, Tori and her hubby are still together! Jessica and Nick, Travis and Shanna, Hulk Hogan and Linda, Carmen and Dave, Britney and Kevin...The list goes on and on of marriages ending right after doing reality shows. It's the kiss of death for celeb couples, clearly.

So how come it works for them? Tori tells us herself exactly why she and Dean haven't hit splitsville...not yet, anyway:

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Frank Micelotta/BS/Getty Images for Zomba Label Group, Jordan Strauss/Getty Images

Both Spelling babes, Candy and Tori, have memoirs out this week—like ya couldn't tell—but it won't be long before Tori's 90210 chum Jennie Garth joins in on the tell-all fun (and all the press and profits that go along with it).

"I'm thinking about writing something" Jenny G. dished to us at Tor's Mommywood book-launch bash, joining Kim Kardashian's desire to "write something with my sisters."

We cannot wait for the privileged and arguably bratty kids' to grow up (or in Kim K.'s case, be conceived) and write bitchy tell-alls on their celeb moms.

If the Spelling DNA is to be trusted, Stella and Liam are sure to collaborate on a tome about their fame-hungry mum and her public spats with the grandma they never knew. Unless Tori has already had them sign non-disclosure forms? Wouldn't be shocked. But then Tor's grandkids are sure to write about their parents, and their kids will write about their folks…

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"No, not a chance, it's over."

—Close bud to Candy Spelling, when asked if there was one iota of a chance for the estranged mother and daughter to reunite. "Especially, after Tori's book," hissed the close Spelling bud, who was only too happy to add that all Candy's close amigas particularly despise Tori for never sending thank-you notes for past gifts. Me-friggin'-ow!

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"I don't work out. I'm so incredibly busy and I had two kids. I attribute my arm muscles to that."

—Tori Spelling on how she got her recent frail-looking figure. By schlepping two babies all over the place! Is this the hot new diet trend in H'wood, giving birth? No wonder Angelina's as veiny and stick-thin as ever

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"We currently don't have a relationship."

Tori Spelling couldn't shut up about how she didn't want to talk about her mom at the book launch bash of her new parental tome at BondSt Beverly Hills. Your book's called Mommywood, for crying out loud, Tor, can't blame us for asking about your own mommy issues.

Candy was, as expected, MIA at the fete, but babe's got her own damn book, Candy Land, to promote! Plus, her daughter wants nothing to do with her anymore, despite Candy's blogging efforts at reconciliation.

So is Tori gonna take up her mom's request for communication or what? Tori tells it to us straight:

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