He may not be a vampire of the New Moon variety, but don't worry, ladies, Joel McHale can still wax his chest with the best of 'em.

And when he wasn't engaged in intimate grooming this week, your Soup host discovered a complete idiot on The Amazing Race (imagine that!), and found Ray J, shocked and confused upon learning that Lucious—one of the ladies vying for his love—actually slept with someone before she met him!

And she looked so pure.

Find out even more shocking facts on your scalding new Soup tonight at 10 p.m. ET/PT.

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The Soup isn't the only scorchin' thing around here! Check out these shots of all the New Moon madness!

The judicious tastemakers at People magazine may have crowned Johnny Depp the Sexiest Man Alive, but your very own Joel McHale walked away with Sexiest Troublemaker award this year.

Meaning when he has sex he causes trouble?

Anyway, the honor captured the attention of none other than Wendy Williams, who believes that troublemakers should get spanked.

Which is somehow a less-than-savory visual.

But don't worry, there's plenty of full-on savory action tonight at 10 p.m. ET/PT on your red hot Soup.

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And until then, feast your eyes on more Joel McHale!

Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images

What smells better than a singed yule log, goes down easier than a fizzing flute of OG-sanctified Cristal and is funny as hell, to boot?

And all without the threat of flaming ashes burning down your double-wide and leaving you with a $200 hangover?

Joel McHale, of course!

And, for the lucky folks in two select cities in the greatest nation on Earth (sorry, Canada), your beloved Soup host will be appearing live in his hilarious flesh.

Somehow, between his demanding schedule of starring in NBC's Community (Thursdays at 8 p.m. ET/PT), hosting The Soup (Fridays at 10 p.m. ET/PT) and searching for "Mafia Staff Car" bumper stickers for his fleet of vintage Trans-Ams, Joel will find the time to bring the magic to these hot spots:

• December 5, Loras College, Five Flags Center, Dubuque, IA

• December 31, Dodge Theater, Phoenix, AZ

According to Bravo, Million Dollar Listing agent ne plus ultra Chad Rogers regularly sells luxury estates to gaggles of celebs and is "one of the most sought-after agents in Los Angeles."

This despite the fact that he looks like a gangly teen with a bad Beatle haircut who'd be selling you a $15 bag of clumping litter at Petco.

But what do we know? Clearly, he's a power player, something that back-burnerned GF Victoria understands.

Or does she?

Congratulations, America!

Thanks to tireless fashionista Tyra, you have a Next Top Model. Willowy Nicole, whose width compares favorably to a Q-Tip.

Don't tell that to judge Miss J, who—in a ridiculous case of the pot calling the kettle wide—has a thing or two to say about her shoulder control.

Apparently by "control," he means, why aren't hers the size of medicine balls"

Heads up, chicken tetrazzini fans, you just may have a brand new catchphrase courtesy of Maury, the man who brought you a woman screaming an artery-destroying casserole's name that worked its way into your hearts.

And now he brings you a woman screaming about, well, a lot of indecipherable, high-energy nonsense having to do with her BF asking her to try new sex positions.

But, among the shrill jibber jabber, there's something about, "he wanna put me on a wall like this!" that sounds like catchphrase gold.

But of course, that's up to you.

Welcome to the latest addition in the mean and nasty chef reality show ouvre, Chef Academy, wherein world famous culinary kingpin (and world's sexiest chef, according to the New York Times) Jean Christophe Novelli comes to L.A. to open a cooking school.

And while he may know a great deal about cooking, someone should tell him Stevie Wonder isn't lacking a sense of smell.

Leave it to Oprah to share new concepts, ideas and facts about the world around us.

And that includes the porn world, where Jenna Jameson is the acknowledged queen, a title she worked long and hard to achieve over 15 years.

That's 15 years of countless sex scenes, endless hours of all manner of physical coupling with untold numbers of men and women for really big bucks. 

And now, thanks to Oprah, we know it was all done with ... dignity!?

It takes a lot to ruffle the feathers of Matt "Mr. Smooth" Lauer, but throwing a Blackberry across the studio apparently pushes his button.

Whether his concern is for a crew member of the Blackberry is uncertain.   

Sandra Bullock's portrayal of southern mom Leigh Anne Tuohy in the new film The Blind Side finds her in a blond wig, looking astonishingly like Kathie Lee Gifford. According to Today's Matt Lauer.

Even though Kathie Lee instantly appears on set to compare hair, it's her rear end that attracts Bullock's admiration.

Look for her next project to be a Kathie Lee biopic. Called The Back Side. 

Look! It's brave Zak Baggans wasting his time—sorry, ghost adventuring—in a field in Italy where ancient plague victims were brought to die.

And he's wearing a kind of bird mask as did doctors back then, who filled the long beak with herbs to ward off the death stench. Zak, however, does it to taunt the pitiful spooks into showing themselves.

Spoiler alert: It doesn't work.

One can only hope that when ZB dies, some ridiculous ghost hunter with a pointless cable show will summon/pester his spirit.

With re-runs of Ghost Adventures. 

Attention regular people: Terrence Howard is no longer among our ranks. Yes, he is an immortal.

His face is anyway, according to no less an authority than himself, thanks to movies like, uh, well, how about Biker Boyz? No? Maybe The O.J. Simpson Story. Or Big Momma's House.

Anyway, now TH is making his voice immortal too, thanks to Disney's The Princess and the Frog. 

Which part of his anatomy will be next is anybody's guess.