"I've just been handed a very important bulletin...GJHSOANWHT."
He has a circa 2006 frat party to go to right after this.
Great job, Detroit!
RUN FOR THE HILLS
Diane's face is all our faces.
"Sources say the president went to Jack in the Box and didn't get curly fries, prompting threats of impeachment."
Man, Bernard is looking great for his age.
"We're a little short on time today...got any stories to use as filler?"
Oh, sure. "Curling" challenge.
Just a friendly reminder that layout is very, very important.
"And the temperature will drop even further on the threeth."
"Get the riot gear... but just the stuff from the knee down."
A developing story.
Phew! Thanks, CNN!
"Newsworthy ain't even a word." - The News
Sir, that's an uncircumsized penis.
Homes finally get revenge.
2012 was a bit of a sticky year for crime.
Whew! Now we can focus on those syrup related crimes.
For at least this evening, our legs will be safe.
He's lucky Blockbuster went out of business, or else he'd be serving hard time for the overdue VHS copy of Armageddon found in his back seat.
The argument was over whether or not he could fart in her face.
Detroit: Not even tornadoes will go there